91 downstairs

So glad this came now.
Meetings nonstop today, so
No other options.

Sent from my iPhone

90 home

And there it is folks,
The fabled third dump, also
Known as a shat-trick.

Sent from my iPhone

89 home

I just stopped going,
But think another's coming.
I'm a poo machine!

Sent from my iPhone

88 kids’ bathroom

Tried before. No luck.
Tried again. Plenty of luck.
Well, "luck" isn't right.

Sent from my iPhone

87 home

Torpedos away!
I should've yelled that out loud
But I chickened out.

Sent from my iPhone

86 downstairs

Load in the washer
And a load in the toilet.
Get a load of me.

Sent from my iPhone

85 downstairs

TGIF, yo.
"This grumbling is furious"
And the Friday thing.

Sent from my iPhone

84 downstairs

Gotta move quickly.
Unbudgeted shitting time
Throws my mornings off.

Sent from my iPhone

83 home

Today is Earth Day,
And it smells like manure here.
Doing my part, yo.

Sent from my iPhone

82 home

One more Sunday shit.
We're ending this weekend with
A really weak end.
Sent from my iPhone

81 downstairs

That wasn't a dump.
If anything, I'd call it
More of a slither.


Sent from my iPhone

80 downstairs

What came out today?
Taylor Swift's new album and
My poorly-formed shit.

Sent from my iPhone

79 downstairs

(Yesterday)
Dear gods of the farts,
I give you this offering
And ask for relief.

Sent from my iPhone

78 downstairs

I'm leaving for work,
But first, I thought I should give
The toilet this gift.

Sent from my iPhone

77 home

(Yesterday)
This was one of those
"I might need to—There it is!"
Types of shit sessions.

Sent from my iPhone

76 downstairs

It pulsed out of me.
Know what I mean? If you do,
I'm really sorry.

Sent from my iPhone

75 downstairs

The pasta's boiling
But so were my intestines,
So the food can wait.

Sent from my iPhone

74 kids’ bathroom

This smells bad. I know.
But I'm grading on a curve
And this one smells bad.

Sent from my iPhone

73 work

There was no traffic
On Ventura boulevard
Or in my rectum.

Sent from my iPhone

72 downstairs

Ate too much last night,
But didn't think it would move
Through me this quickly.


Sent from my iPhone

71 downstairs

(Yesterday)

Busy day ahead.
Maybe dropping this weight will
Make my load lighter?

Sent from my iPhone

70 home

That one stormed the gates!
Had to end a call early
Then waddle quickly.

Sent from my iPhone

69 downstairs

Spring break is over,
But butt break is in session.
Full, nasty session.

Sent from my iPhone

68 home

You know when a shit
Comes out quick and pleasingly?
I don't. It's a myth.

Sent from my iPhone

67 home

That wasn't the sound
Of a sad, dying ballon.
Alas, 'twas my butt.

Sent from my iPhone

66 work

Getting paid to shit
Is like a dream - but not - since
I don't shit and sleep.

Sent from my iPhone

65 downstairs

My twins are 14!
My real kids. Not those I just
Dropped off at the pool.

Sent from my iPhone

64 home

It's a 4-banger
To kick off the year's 4th month.
It smells 4ible.
Sent from my iPhone

63 kids’ bathroom

Third shit, third bathroom.
Can we call it a day now?
I have ass fatigue.

Sent from my iPhone

62 home

More shit already?
April's coming out swinging!
(Not literally)

Sent from my iPhone

61 downstairs

It's April Fools, but
This is no laughing matter.
It's real. Real stinky.

Sent from my iPhone