246 home

Sorry, two-fifty.
Unless I catch something bad,
We shan't meet this year.

Sent from my iPhone

245 home

I barely made it.
Like, "How will I explain my
Shit-stained pants?" barely.

Sent from my iPhone

244 work

Should I be tracking
which bathroom stall I'm using?
There's always next year.


Sent from my iPhone

243 work

Had to get this out
Before a bunch of meetings.
Goal #1: check.

Sent from my iPhone

242 downstairs

The nugget before
Must've been a scout, telling
These nuggets, "All clear!"

Sent from my iPhone

241 downstairs

Just a wee nugget,
But like Grandpa always said,
"That counts as a shit."

Sent from my iPhone

240 downstairs

The race has begun.
Is shit number two-fifty
Just a poop pipe dream?

Sent from my iPhone

239 kids’ bathroom

Well that one hurt, but
You should see the other guy.
Not sure what that means.

Sent from my iPhone

238 kids’ bathroom

A dump before work
Doesn't lighten my workload,
But helps my buttload.

Sent from my iPhone

237 work

I sincerely hope
Nobody could hear the squeaks,
Spurts, or kablooeys.

Sent from my iPhone

236 downstairs

My butt seemed afraid,
Like it didn't really want
For this to happen.

Sent from my iPhone

235 downstairs

First shit since Monday.
Yes, today is Saturday.
Yes, I know that's gross.

Sent from my iPhone

234 downstairs

Would Hamilton be
Unhappy to know that I
Threw away my shit?


Sent from my iPhone

233 downstairs

Just to play it safe,
I added an extra flush.
Three, ah ah ah, three!

Sent from my iPhone

232 downstairs

My fart yielded a
"Jesus Fucking Christ, Peter"
From my lovely wife.

Sent from my iPhone

231 downstairs

Really had to go.
My butt crack was sweating in
Anticipation.

Sent from my iPhone

230 downstairs

That was unpleasant
And I know there's more coming.
Happy Hanukkah.

Sent from my iPhone

229 kids’ bathroom

That was a fatty,
And expected some blood, but
Only saw shit. Yay!


Sent from my iPhone

228 kids’ bathroom

How does "double meat"
Turn into "four times the shit"?
Bravo, Chipotle.

Sent from my iPhone

227 downstairs

Guess I wasn't done.
This one though doesn't quite have
Its shit together.

Sent from my iPhone

226 downstairs

Breakfasts and lunches
Can wait a god damn second
While I squeeze this out.

Sent from my iPhone

225 work

Got in and out fast
Before the receptionist
Had time to worry.

Sent from my iPhone

224 work

It's Cyber Monday,
And this is a massive shit.
Those aren't related.

Sent from my iPhone

223 downstairs

"More like Brown Friday,"
I thought to myself and laughed.
"Better write that down."

Sent from my iPhone

222 kids’ bathroom

The shit symphony
Gracefully concluded with
A minor movement.

Sent from my iPhone

221 downstairs

This almost looks like
It was made out of lego.
Uh, fecal lego.

Sent from my iPhone

220 downstairs

No shit for 4 days,
So this nastiness makes sense,
But man, it's nasty.

Sent from my iPhone

219 downstairs

This must be a sign
That I should eat more salad.
Message received, God.

Sent from my iPhone

218 kids’ bathroom

(Yesterday)

More farts and more shit.
I'm glad I'm working from home -
My work should be too.

Sent from my iPhone

217 kids’ bathroom

(Yesterday)
From this point forward,
Please call me by my new name:
Sir Squirts McGrossbutt.

Sent from my iPhone

216 work

I was gonna say
This dump went "lickety split,"
But "lick" isn't good.

Sent from my iPhone

215 downstairs

Make up your mind, butt!
First you act like you're done, then
BAM! Here comes more shit.

Sent from my iPhone

214 downstairs

A big steak dinner
Made for a big shit session.
Cause and effect, yo.

Sent from my iPhone

213 kids’ bathroom

I might have to pay
Crayola some royalties,
'Cause this is "brick red."

Sent from my iPhone

212 work

I just wiped so much
It seemed supernatural,
Like a…holy shit.

Sent from my iPhone

211 downstairs

Squoze a little out
Before starting the workday.
It is too a word!

Sent from my iPhone

210 kids’ bathroom

Since I'm not British,
"A bloody mess" actually
Means "a bloody mess."

Sent from my iPhone

209 downstairs

Two bowls of chili
Plus two McRib sandwiches
Equals one foul shit.

Sent from my iPhone

208 downstairs

Got the dentist soon.
He'll clean up one orifice,
But I call this one.

Sent from my iPhone

207 work!

I squeezed this shit out
While I also squeezed it in.
How fascinating.

Sent from my iPhone

206 downstairs

When a good friend asks,
You put him in your haiku:
This shit's for you, Jon.

Sent from my iPhone

205 kids’ bathroom

I muted my Zoom
To rip off some giant farts.
This shit was ready.

Sent from my iPhone

204 kids’ bathroom

I'm not complaining,
But I'm surprised that it flushed.
Way to go, toilet.


Sent from my iPhone

203 downstairs

My daughter's camping
So we only have one kid,
Not counting this one.

Sent from my iPhone

202 work!

Starting the week off
With a bang. Well technically,
It's a grunt-squish-plop.

Sent from my iPhone

201 downstairs

Should rain tomorrow,
Which is good, because my ass
Is too dry right now.

Sent from my iPhone

200 kids’ bathroom

This pace is crazy.
The probiotics only
Get partial credit.

Sent from my iPhone

199 downstairs

My third shit today!
It's starting to get spooky.
(Emphasis on POO)

Sent from my iPhone

198 downstairs

If you take a shit
In holy water, does that
Make you assholy?

Sent from my iPhone

197 downstairs

My butt wanted to
Take a breather, but it can't -
There's shit in the way.

Sent from my iPhone

196 work!

In and out quickly
Before anyone saw me.
My name remains good.

Sent from my iPhone

195 kids’ bathroom

Chipotle's brisket
Tasted good on the way in…
I'll leave it at that.

Sent from my iPhone

194 work!

My first shit at work.
Not sure this is what they mean
By "go make your mark."


Sent from my iPhone

193 home

I didn't shit on
Our weekend temple retreat.
And we say, "Amen."

Sent from my iPhone

192 downstairs

The mighty river
Flows brown with the memories
Of Chipotles past.

Sent from my iPhone

191 downstairs

I should be knighted
As Sir Dumpsalot after
This impressive run.

Sent from my iPhone

190 kids’ bathroom

Those probiotics
Appear to work. If by "work"
I mean "shit a lot."

Sent from my iPhone

189 home

Rock and plop. Repeat.
This tried and true formula
Delivered again.

Sent from my iPhone

188 downstairs

Chicken and waffles:
A great pairing at first, but
They've separated.

Sent from my iPhone

187 downstairs

1-8-7 is
The code for murder, and I
Murdered this toilet.

Sent from my iPhone

186 downstairs

I feel like I'm a
Human-sized rabbit, because
Of my big-small shits.

Sent from my iPhone

185 downstairs

This one hardly counts,
But shit coming from my ass
Merits a haiku.

Sent from my iPhone

184 kids’ bathroom

My asshole sounds like
It's auditioning for an
Alka Seltzer ad.


Sent from my iPhone

183 home

Was quick and easy,
And didn't need much cleanup.
No complaints. 5 stars.

Sent from my iPhone

182 downstairs

Work email is down,
So I'm just sitting around.
Might as well shit, right?

Sent from my iPhone

181 kids’ bathroom

My car's in the shop,
So I'm changing the fluids
Of my rectum too.

Sent from my iPhone

180 downstairs

Note to self: don't eat
Those green chile burritos.
They make brown grossness.

Sent from my iPhone

179 downstairs

Made it home to shit,
And managed to only have
One nasty work fart.

Sent from my iPhone

178 downstairs

To close out the day,
I open up my asshole.
Oh, and shit comes out.

Sent from my iPhone

177 downstairs

It's Monday again!
Let's play, "I Have to Shit But
Don't Want to at Work!"

Sent from my iPhone

176 kids’ bathroom

Three times in a day!
I can only name this feat
One thing: an asstrick.

Sent from my iPhone

175 kids’ bathroom

Two shits this early?
What foul sorcery is this
To cause such butt strife?

Sent from my iPhone

174 downstairs

Did a leg workout,
Now I'm working some poop out.
Engaging the core.

Sent from my iPhone

173 kids’ bathroom

I went again but
Feel like there's more poop on deck.
Also in the hole.

Sent from my iPhone

172 downstairs

Didn't go at work -
Saved the smelliness for home.
We all win. Trust me.

Sent from my iPhone

171 kids’ bathroom

I got me some squirts,
And there should be some more soon.
Glad I'm home today.

Sent from my iPhone

170 downstairs

Made it through day one
Without taking a work dump.
They're so damn lucky.

Sent from my iPhone

169 downstairs

New job tomorrow,
And stinking up the shitter
Would be a bad move.

Sent from my iPhone

168 downstairs

Physical went fine
And no digit was dropped, so
He's a lucky guy.

Sent from my iPhone

167 downstairs

Have my physical,
So I need to drop weight and
Clean out my asshole.

Sent from my iPhone

166 downstairs

Just one solid log.
It came out with a plop and
Left no trace behind.

Sent from my iPhone

165 kids’ bathroom

Had salmon last night
And - bucking tradition - it
Quickly swam downstream.

Sent from my iPhone

164 downstairs

The cleaning crew left,
And I'm already crapping
On all their hard work.

Sent from my iPhone

163 downstairs

Cleaning crew's coming,
But they stay far away from
My nether regions.

Sent from my iPhone

162 downstairs

A week between jobs.
Gotta clean shit out, starting
With this ass of mine.

Sent from my iPhone

161 downstairs

Last day at my job,
And it's starting off with a
Push-push-grunt-push-bang.

Sent from my iPhone

160 downstairs

(Yesterday)
I sat in traffic,
But this shit found the fast lane.
Hint: it's my rectum.

Sent from my iPhone

159 downstairs

It's Rosh Hashanah,
But I couldn't make this shit
Round like the challah.

Sent from my iPhone

158 downstairs

(Yesterday)
Pooping quickly since
The haircutter just arrived.
Bottom first, then top.

Sent from my iPhone

157 home

Meetings all day long,
So I'm glad I got this out.
You are too. Trust me.

Sent from my iPhone

156 home

My dog just threw up,
And my butt must be jealous,
Because, well, this shit.

Sent from my iPhone

155 downstairs

I'll be Single Dad
For the next two days. This dump
Will help keep me spry.

Sent from my iPhone

154 home

The weekend's ending.
My butt likes to go out with
A bang (and a squirt).

Sent from my iPhone

153 downstairs

Saturday morning
Time to take a deep breath and-
Nope, bad idea.

Sent from my iPhone

152 downstairs

I'm quitting later,
But shitting now. Those aren't linked,
But they rhyme. So there.

Sent from my iPhone

151 downstairs

Like 151
From Bacardi, this shit is
Strong and liquidy.

Sent from my iPhone

150 downstairs

Today, friends, marks my
Sesquicentennial shit
Of the year. Go me.

Sent from my iPhone

149 downstairs

MMS stands for
"Monday morning shit." I guess
"Me make smell" works too.

Sent from my iPhone

148 home

Sunday morning shits.
Just like Saturday ones, just
A bit more relaxed.

Sent from my iPhone

147 downstairs

🎶It's Friday, Friday,
Got a fat dump on Friday 🎶
(I'm Rebecca Brown)

Sent from my iPhone

146 downstairs

My tailbone still hurts
And it's almost been two weeks.
Shitting's fine, thank God.

Sent from my iPhone

145 home

Dropped my son at school,
Then dropped this off at the pool.
Think my day's complete.

Sent from my iPhone

144 downstairs

Well isn't that cool?
1-44 is a gross,
And so is this shit.

Sent from my iPhone

143 downstairs

My stomach is all,
"The fuck is up?" And I'm like,
"Dude, shit that shit out!"

Sent from my iPhone

142 downstairs

Squirting some more out.
And trust me, that's the right verb.
Sorry, that was gross.

Sent from my iPhone

141 downstairs

Immediate flush
To try to lessen the stench.
Let's all hope it worked.

Sent from my iPhone

140 downstairs

Still sore from the race,
But my asshole seems to be
Working perfectly.

Sent from my iPhone

139 downstairs

That long between shits
May have made the race Tougher
And this Muddier.

Sent from my iPhone

138 downstairs

Squeezing some more out.
Don't want to be full of shit
For an interview.

Sent from my iPhone

137 downstairs

This shit reminds me
That this Saturday I'll be
In a Tough Mudder.

Sent from my iPhone

136 kids’ bathroom

(Monday)

Gotta get this out
Before the cleaning crew comes.
Smart, but also rude.

Sent from my iPhone

135 kids’ bathroom

Another so soon?
I have five words for you then:
Damn. Shit. That is whack.


Sent from my iPhone

134 downstairs

I dump like a truck.
A big, smelly, overfilled
City garbage truck.

Sent from my iPhone

133 downstairs

A fancy dinner
Still makes smelly shit, even
In Beverly Hills.

Sent from my iPhone

132 downstairs

I shat out a log,
Then, in my wisdom, waited.
Another appeared.

Sent from my iPhone

131 downstairs

Glad I'm going now
Instead of at the office.
They should be glad too.

Sent from my iPhone

130 downstairs

Had sushi last night.
I don't remember eating
A smelly shit roll.

Sent from my iPhone

129 kids’ bathroom

The kids are at camp,
So I have lots of time for
This smell to dissolve.

Sent from my iPhone

128 kids’ bathroom

You know how Dali
Painted all those melting clocks?
It's like that. But shit.

Sent from my iPhone

127 downstairs

This pre-bedtime shit
Should help me sleep more soundly
(And less soundfully).

Sent from my iPhone

126 downstairs

I just kept wiping
And wiping and wiping and…
Poof! Then it was gone.

Sent from my iPhone

125 downstairs

Pre-cleaning crew dump.
Going after they were here
Always feels wasteful.

Sent from my iPhone

124 downstairs

Nothing makes this dump
Remarkable or unique.
Same shit, different day.

Sent from my iPhone

123 downstairs

Number 1-2-3
Is pleasant and orderly.
This shit is neither.


Sent from my iPhone

122 home

The 9th of July,
And yet, there are fireworks.
Anus fireworks.

Sent from my iPhone

121 downstairs

Did I eat Lego?
Because I think I just shat
Interlocking bricks.

Sent from my iPhone

120 home

Before I drive to
Santa Monica, this shit
Means I'll use less gas.

Sent from my iPhone

119 kids’ bathroom

Going twice makes sense,
Because hot dogs are often
Linked to each other.

Sent from my iPhone

118 downstairs

Four hot dogs, and yet
It still took a couple days
For them to come out.

Sent from my iPhone

117 home

It is called Thai food,
But this ain't a tie. My butt
Definitely lost.

Sent from my iPhone

116 home

This went from "maybe"
To "Out of my way, people!"
Really, really fast.

Sent from my iPhone

115 kids’ bathroom

Now this is absurd.
My asshole is sore and might
Need a whole week off.

Sent from my iPhone

114 downstairs

Another shit? Jeez.
This is officially some
Real June gloom…and doom.

Sent from my iPhone

113 kids' bathroom

Well this isn't fun.

Three shits before noon sucks, but

Burritos still rule.

112 downstairs

Squirted out some more,

And there's even more coming.

My poor, poor asshole.

111 downstairs

First post-birthday shit,
And shockingly, it smells like
I'm still 43.

Sent from my iPhone

110 downstairs

I hope this foul smell
Is long gone before I get
My massage later.

Sent from my iPhone

109 downstairs

So I've been taking
Apple cider vinegar…
This smells like neither.

Sent from my iPhone

108 downstairs

Picked up my dog's shit,
Only to return home and
Drop some of my own.

Sent from my iPhone

107 downstairs

Guess I wasn't done.
And judging by the buttfeel,
There may be more yet.

Sent from my iPhone

106 downstairs

That jogging really
Loosened my intestines up.
Real…quick and dirty.

Sent from my iPhone

105 downstairs

Sorry, cleaning crew.
You'll now have this to deal with.
It's shitty, I know.

Sent from my iPhone

104 downstairs

It took some rocking,
But I just successfully
Fathered a shit log.

Sent from my iPhone

103 home

Do two #2s
Add up to a #4?
The math is unclear.

Sent from my iPhone

102 downstairs

Oh chile verde.
You were in an omelette, but
Now you are free form.

Sent from my iPhone

101 downstairs (Tuesday)

Meeting coworkers
For the first time. Hope this makes
Me less full of shit.

Sent from my iPhone

100 home (Monday)

Triple digit shit
On a 2-for-1 Monday.
My plan is working…

Sent from my iPhone

99 downstairs

The kids are on break,
But my anus sure isn't.
He's still working hard.

Sent from my iPhone

98 downstairs

I wish this shit would
Follow my children's lead and
Have culmination.

Sent from my iPhone

97 downstairs

That shit was solid,
Both in its composition
And a job well done.

Sent from my iPhone

96 downstairs

First shit since Wednesday?
So glad the cleaning crew will
Undo this damage.

Sent from my iPhone

95 downstairs

That was a big one.
The flush didn't let up and
Eventually won.

Sent from my iPhone

94 downstairs

I just shit a brick.
Well, brick is expensive so
I went with stucco.

Sent from my iPhone

93 home

This shit's soundtrack is
Just one song long by U2.
Hint: Sunday, Bloody.

Sent from my iPhone

92 home

The all-hands meeting
Was preceded by a quick
All butt cheeks meeting.

Sent from my iPhone

91 downstairs

I ate chicken parm,
But this doesn't smell like it.
And that really sucks.

Sent from my iPhone

90 downstairs

Soiling the toilet
Before the cleaning crew comes.
They earn their money.

Sent from my iPhone

89 downstairs

You don't wanna know
How I'm sure this shit came from
My new beef jerky.

Sent from my iPhone

88 downstairs

Had to stop breakfast
To expunge yesterday's food.
It's cyclical, man.

Sent from my iPhone

87 downstairs

First in a few days,
And it's making up for it.
I'm so glad it flushed.

Sent from my iPhone

86 kid's bathroom

Day 2 of the cleanse.

The lack of food does not mean

A lack of feces.

85 downstairs

First day of a cleanse
And already shedding weight.
Gross, foul-smelling weight.

Sent from my iPhone

84 downstairs

If I sent this to
The wrong person, I would have
Some splaining to do.

Sent from my iPhone

83 home

Yesterday

Almost forgot this,
Which is crazy since the smell
Such a long ass time.

Sent from my iPhone

82 downstairs

I gave birth to this,
So now I should qualify
For Mother's Day, right?

Sent from my iPhone

81 kids’ bathroom

El Seis de Mayo
Has some built-in reminders
Of el Cinco's feast.

Sent from my iPhone

80 downstairs

MMX training
Also trained my anus well.
It shits on command.

Sent from my iPhone

79 kids’ bathroom

Uh oh. Another?
May is shaping up to be
A doo-doo-doozy.

Sent from my iPhone

78 kids’ bathroom

Guess I wasn't done,
Despite the fact that last night
I clogged the toilet.

Sent from my iPhone

77 downstairs

I worked hard for that -
Lots or pushing and rocking.
But I got shit done.


Sent from my iPhone

76 kids’ bathroom

It's long and slender,
But I still felt it come out.
Farewell, Slim Shitty.

Sent from my iPhone

75 downstairs

That was a fat one.
Not trying to body shame,
Just stating the facts.

Sent from my iPhone

74 kids’ bathroom

Another Monday.
Maybe doing this now will
Make it less shitty.

Sent from my iPhone

73 home

Went to Trader Joe's.
Changed my clothes after, and cleaned
My bowels out too.

Sent from my iPhone

72 downstairs

Yesterday

My son's food from the
School cafeteria was
Less gross than you'd think.


Sent from my iPhone

71 downstairs

Had to rock a bit,
But once that loosened things up...
Let's just say it worked.

Sent from my iPhone

70 home

It's so hot outside
That my balls are kinda near
The toilet water.

Sent from my iPhone

69 downstairs

I swam yesterday.
Thought it was only fair to
Let my shit swim too.

Sent from my iPhone

68 downstairs

Friday

The end of the week,
And my end is feeling weak.
I'm such a turdsmith.

Sent from my iPhone

67 home

Thursday

The chicken wing sauce
Was labeled "Romantic Mood."
Those fucking liars.

Sent from my iPhone

66 downstairs

A two-shit Monday,
And it's still early. Could be
A shitty omen.

Sent from my iPhone

65 downstairs

I rocked that one out.
Literally. Kept rocking
Until it went plop.

Sent from my iPhone

64 downstairs

It's Sunday morning.
Coffee, puzzle, exercise,
And massive shit? Check.

Sent from my iPhone

63 home

This one was messy,
Almost as if I had a
Mudslide pudding shake.

Sent from my iPhone

62 downstairs

I felt this coming,
So I waited to shower.
I'm so fucking smart.

Sent from my iPhone

61 downstairs

Spring Break is over,
But Butt Break has just begun.
(Feels like I broke it.)

Sent from my iPhone

60 downstairs

I double flushed but
The smell was so powerful
That it lingers on.

Sent from my iPhone

59 downstairs

Yesterday

Wider than my ass.
Not gonna lie - this one hurt.
Not surprised there's blood.

Sent from my iPhone

58 kids’ bathroom

Back home from the trip.
Held this shit for the whole drive.
It's time to part ways.

Sent from my iPhone

57 Joshua Tree house

Made it the whole drive,
But now it's time to unload.
Good start to the trip.

Sent from my iPhone

56 kids’ bathroom

About to leave for
Spring Break in Joshua Tree.
I'm gonna shit there.

Sent from my iPhone

55 downstairs

Oy, another one.
And this one's quite spicy too.
My asshole needs milk.

Sent from my iPhone

54 downstairs

Those 2 burritos
Were maybe not the right move.
Gotta spread things out.

Sent from my iPhone

53 downstairs

Squirted some more out,
Then had Chipotle for lunch.
Probably not wise.

Sent from my iPhone

52 downstairs

I can't explain it,
But this shit smells like barnyard.
Could it be the oats?

Sent from my iPhone

51 downstairs

This double flush says
"Happy Anniversary"
Better than a card.

Sent from my iPhone

50 home

Filled out my bracket
And ready for the Madness.
(Butt started early)

Sent from my iPhone

49 home

Italian sausage
Loses then regains its shape.
It's, like, amazing.


Sent from my iPhone

48 downstairs

It's Monday again,
And I'm taking a big shit.
Is that an omen?

Sent from my iPhone

47 home

A couple big plops,
And then I waited for more.
Alas, that was all.

Sent from my iPhone

46 home

Ground turkey nachos
Once fused together, have now
Reseparated.

Sent from my iPhone

45 downstairs

Spent more time wiping
Than shitting. A lot more time.
Thank you, McDonalds.

Sent from my iPhone

44 home

Real bad gas last night.
This morning, it became shit.
The body's rad, yo.


Sent from my iPhone

43 downstairs

That's two dumps thus far,
And it's only 9 o'clock.
Can he do it, folks?!?

Sent from my iPhone

42 downstairs

So glad I'm going.
Tried over the weekend but...
No joy in Mudville.

Sent from my iPhone

41 home

Squeezed this out in time.
I have 4 straight meetings now,
And all on camera.

Sent from my iPhone

40 downstairs

I'm going again
And might once more. My anus
Is in retrograde.


Sent from my iPhone

39 downstairs

I took Tums last night
Since my stomach was pissy.
This shit should help too.

Sent from my iPhone

38 downstairs

That's one big, fat log.
It looked like a shit, ya know?
One Best-in-Show dump.

Sent from my iPhone

37 home

Thai food? Jerk chicken?
CCC chicken salad?
Something made this gross.

Sent from my iPhone

36 home

I tried twice but failed,
So I'm glad it's now working.
My nose isn't though.

Sent from my iPhone

35 downstairs

A lot of wiping
For not a lot of shit. Weird.
I got nothing else.

Sent from my iPhone

34 downstairs

Filet mignon with
Garlic green beans tastes great, but
The aftermath stinks.

Sent from my iPhone

33 downstairs

I have more to go
But didn't have time to wait.
Isn't that...shitty?

Sent from my iPhone

32 downstairs

I have another
Burrito waiting for lunch,
So I'll be back soon.



Sent from my iPhone

31 downstairs

Think my burrito
Immediately pushed out
Any shit on deck.

Sent from my iPhone

30 downstairs

Glad this one arrived.
Hope it means the stinky farts
Will give it a rest.

Sent from my iPhone

29 downstairs

It's Fart Out Loud Day,
But I am shitting out loud.
That should still count, right?

Sent from my iPhone

28 home

Yesterday

Squeezed a little out,
So I wrote a little poem.
Sometimes life makes sense.

Sent from my iPhone

27 downstairs

I didn't shit for
All of the three-day weekend.
Here comes a "work week."

Sent from my iPhone

26 home

It's Chinese New Year!
I found something brown inside
My red envelope.

Sent from my iPhone

25 home

That's a lot more shit!
A guess a lot of food fits
In one tortilla.

Sent from my iPhone

24 downstairs

My stomach's upset,
Like mad and angry at me.
Steak burrito, yo.

Sent from my iPhone

23 downstairs

Superbowl's over,
But the Toilet Bowl party
Is just beginning.

Sent from my iPhone

22 home

Yesterday

Little balls of shit
Just kept coming out. I'm like
A poop magician.

Sent from my iPhone

21 downstairs

Did a core workout,
And I think that helped make the
Pushing easier.

Sent from my iPhone

20 downstairs

Not shocked that it's big.
The farts were thund'rous last night,
Signifying...this.

Sent from my iPhone

19 downstairs

New month, new work week,
Same waste removal method.
(Ya know, sit and shit.)

Sent from my iPhone

18 downstairs

Slow-paced Saturdays
Paired with long shitting sessions
Are not all that bad.

Sent from my iPhone

17 downstairs

Yesterday

A good morning dump
Starts the day off with a bang.
Well, more like a plop.


Sent from my iPhone

16 downstairs

A triple flusher!
That red meat I ate turned to
Brown and red asshole.

Sent from my iPhone

15 downstairs

New 6-week workout!
With this shit, I'm already
Losing half a pound.



Sent from my iPhone

14 home

In meetings all day,
So I'm glad this shit came now.
(I'll still be farting.)

Sent from my iPhone

13 downstairs

Two shits already
And feel like there's still some more.
Epic Tuesday, bro.

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12 downstairs

About to shower.
That's good timing, after this
Literal shitshow.

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11 downstairs

Three days between shit.
I feel like myself again.
I smell the same too.

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10 downstairs

MMX and abs
Caused me to sweat my ass off,
Then shit my ass out.


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9 downstairs

The muscle I've gained
Has been offset by dropping
This extra shit weight.

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8 downstairs

The date: 1-1-1.
And yet I celebrate with
A big #2.

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7 downstairs

The end of the day
Isn't complete without a
Little rectum blood.

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6 downstairs

Off the daily pace,
But if I go twice today...
Poop math for the win!

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5 downstairs

5 shits in 5 days.
Is a new world order.
Oops, I meant "odor."

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4 downstairs

This isn't pretty.
Could I have more shits than days?
That would be freaky!

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3 downstairs

Starting the work week
By dropping unneeded weight.
(In the form of poop.)

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2 home

Two shits in three days,
And I feel like there's more still.
We should all be scared.

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1 kids’ bathroom

2021!
May this year be full of shit
But less full of shit.

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