Sunday, December 31, 2017

177

Last shit of the year!
Unless, of course, that chili
Is in a hurry.

Sent from my iPhone

Saturday, December 30, 2017

176

It's so poetic:
As the year comes to a close,
My asshole opens.

Sent from my iPhone

Wednesday, December 27, 2017

175

It's my half birthday,
But I'm taking a full shit.
Fractions are fun, yo!

Sent from my iPhone

Tuesday, December 26, 2017

174

The Christmas party
Was fun, but I think I ate
My weight in meatballs.

Sent from my iPhone

Friday, December 22, 2017

173

Stinky bo binky!
Not sure what that means, except
For the obvious.

Sent from my iPhone

Wednesday, December 20, 2017

172

Today's the birthday
Of my brother, my friend Jon,
And this massive shit.

Sent from my iPhone

Tuesday, December 19, 2017

171

I'm ending the year
With a bang! Well, technically,
It's more of a "blaaaat."

Sent from my iPhone

Monday, December 18, 2017

170

Since it's Hanukkah,
Instead of lighting a match,
I'll light eight candles.

Sent from my iPhone

Wednesday, December 13, 2017

169

So glad I'm going.
With nonstop meetings today,
It had to be now.

Sent from my iPhone

Monday, December 11, 2017

168

Just squirted some out,
And I think there's more coming.
Need a butt tampon.

Sent from my iPhone

Friday, December 8, 2017

167

A sesame seed?
When did I eat one of those?
Ohhhh, stir fry. Got it.

Sent from my iPhone

Monday, December 4, 2017

166

Since it's December,
It's appropriate to call
This shit a "yule log."

Sent from my iPhone

Sunday, December 3, 2017

165

Holiday parties
Should have better take-home gifts
Than diarrhea.

Sent from my iPhone

Saturday, December 2, 2017

164

I'm back from Utah
And I brought a souvenir:
Some diarrhea!

Sent from my iPhone