60 home

Is it ironic
To come back from Hawaii
And then spew lava?

Sent from my iPhone

59 downstairs

Back home and shitting.
Honestly, I'm not happy
About either part.

Sent from my iPhone

58 Kauai hotel lobby

Heading home today,
But first, I must leave a gift:
Gross shit. Mahalo.

Sent from my iPhone

59 Kauai hotel room

Last Hawaii shit?
Sure hope so, because my butt
Made many islands.

Sent from my iPhone

57 Kauai hotel room

This fancy toilet
Has a built in bidet but
It's no match for…this.

Sent from my iPhone

56 Kauai hotel

About to kayak.
That's a palindrome. Just like
Poop and poopwowpoop.

Sent from my iPhone

55 Kauai hotel

It took a long time,
And all those meals created
This poo-poo platter.

Sent from my iPhone

54 kids’ bathroom

Time to get to work.
I mean actual work, not
The butt-wiping kind.

Sent from my iPhone

53 downstairs

Goodbye, TP roll.
You did your job well, and it
Was a shitty job.


Sent from my iPhone

52 downstairs

This windowless room
Has to sit with my odor
For far, far too long.

Sent from my iPhone

51 home

The sound my butt made
Is hard to describe. I guess
"Blurgle plop" is close.

Sent from my iPhone

50 downstairs

A week from today,
I may shit in Hawaii.
Poi jokes are coming.

Sent from my iPhone

49 home

This is number 4.
Same number as the horsemen.
Oh you know which ones.

Sent from my iPhone

48 kids’ bathroom

Third shit, third bathroom.
If I have to go again,
Should I go outside?

Sent from my iPhone

47 home

The long, snaky shit
Slithered out of my asshole.
How appropriate.

Sent from my iPhone

46 downstairs

Early morning shit!
I feel like I've already
Accomplished something.


Sent from my iPhone

45 kids’ bathroom

Those chicken tenders
Weren't tender on their way out.
Or chicken, frankly.


Sent from my iPhone

44 downstairs

Those weren't sound effects,
That was real-life noise, my friends.
Including the "Bam!"

Sent from my iPhone

43 downstairs

I'm done with the cleanse,
But my ass needs its own now.
Yeah, it wasn't good.

Sent from my iPhone

42 home

The chiropractor
Produced a lot of cracks but
Left this crack alone.

Sent from my iPhone

41 downstairs

Quick one before work.
I mean, this is also work,
But the unpaid kind.

Sent from my iPhone

40 home

My old magic trick!
I made the TP look like
The Japanese flag.

Sent from my iPhone

39 downstairs

Paused my morning walk
To lighten my load a bit.
'Twas more than a bit.

Sent from my iPhone