227 downstairs

That went from Maybe
To an emphatic Yes in
One and a half farts.

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226 downstairs

When my butt is mad,
I get the opposite of
The silent treatment.

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225 downstairs

That one hurt a bit.
It's almost as if the chef
Sharpened the tri tip.

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224 kids’ bathroom

Lots of meetings soon,
So I figured I'd try, and…
(Cue music) Success!

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223 downstairs

Sitting and shitting
Not only can hurt my butt,
But my back too. Fun.

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222 yesterday

A society
Must follow specified rules.
Same here - that blip counts.

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221 downstairs

First dump in 3 days,
So this smells like one of those
Post-buffet sessions.

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220 kids’ bathroom

This reminds me of
A certain soft drink. Real soft.
How soft? It's called Squirt.

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219 downstairs

Texting while shitting
Isn't as dangerous as
Driving…but smells worse.

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218 downstairs

My kids go to camp
And these "kids" go to the pool.
Gotta love summer.

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217 home

Big gas pains, big shit.
Did I just create a new
Shit corollary?

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216 downstairs

Just finished swimming,
And my feces got jealous.
Fine, swim. You happy?

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215 home

Yesterday

How did I forget?
Especially when the smell
Lingered for so long?

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214 home

A big heap of gross.
A flush. A second gross heap.
Many wipes. A flush.

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213 downstairs

That shit was modern.
I mean fashion-wise, of course,
With its tapered look.

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212 downstairs

Will a bedtime shit
Make me a lighter sleeper?
(Takes a bow; drops mic.)

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211 work

Just got to work and
Already getting shit done.
Like literally.

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210 home

Pre-funeral shit.
At least I know any tears
Won't be from my gas.

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209 home

It's not surprising
That my fourth shit of the day
Is the grossest yet.

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208 downstairs

What the fuck, butthole?
Three times before noon? Did I
Get hexed or something?

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207 downstairs

Another so soon?
By the look and smell of it,
My ass will be back

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206 downstairs

Early morning shits
Uniquely start the day off
In good and bad ways.

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205 downstairs

Chest exercises
Made my chest sore. My butt's pain
Isn't related.

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204 work

In and dump and out.
I made quick work of that one,
Which I like at work.

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203 downstairs

Yesterday

The leftovers from
The Fourth of July are gone.
My butt rejoices.

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202 home

Shorter hair, same butt.
I didn't think it would change,
And I was so right.

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201 downstairs

Shits before haircuts
Are like coffee with baileys.
Don't ask, just trust me.

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200 home

Bicentennial?
More like "bye, scented anal."
Boom! Fuckin' nailed it.

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199 home

Sorry, cleaning crew.
Your work was quickly undone
By my active ass.

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198 home

Jesus fucking Christ.
It's serendipitous that
That's five syllables.

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197 downstairs

Solid then…less so.
It was like a movie twist
Except fucking gross.

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196 downstairs

In hindsight, I wish
I'd weighed myself before this
Insane run of shits.

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195 kids’ bathroom

Dear lord in heaven,
Please consider my asshole
In all that's holy.

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194 kids’ bathroom

I swear I didn't
Eat anything to merit
Those four nasty shits.

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193 downstairs

Oy, my poor asshole.
Feel like there's more to come too.
Please send thoughts and prayers.

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192 kids’ bathroom

(Yesterday)
Another so soon?
I guess my ass likes home turf
(And is showing it).

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