38 downstairs

Had a two-day drought,
Though "drought" implies some dryness,
Which doesn't apply.

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37 downstairs

Messy, foul-smelling,
Time-consuming, and painful.
TGIF, eh?

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36 kids’ bathroom

Had to rock a bit,
But then it just slid right out,
Like I'd greased my chute.

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35 kids’ bathroom

I already feel
Another dump coming soon.
It's on the poop deck.

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34 downstairs

Two shits already,
And there still could be some more.
Sorry, water bill.

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33 downstairs

You call it Hump Day,
And I call it Dump Day. Let's
Call the whole thing gross.

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32 kids’ bathroom

First I ate some lunch,
Then I made some poop. Yay for
Homeostasis!

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31 kids’ bathroom

My early meeting
Was cancelled, leaving time for
This leisurely poop.

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30 downstairs

Dump number 30
On day number 24.
I can't. I just can't.

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29 downstairs

My butthole just squeaked.
And though I know what to do,
I'm not oiling it.

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28 kids’ bathroom

Food from CCC
Made my butt say, "No no no."
Oh sweet irony!

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27 downstairs

Oh hello, Friday.
People say, "Thank God for" you.
My butt disagrees.

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26 kids’ bathroom

I took a day off,
And may bang out a twofer
To make up for it.

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25 downstairs

I ate something bland
To see if that would help me,
Ya know, STOP SHITTING.

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24 home

Tried and failed before,
But this time I stuck to it.
And it stuck to me.

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23 kids’ bathroom

Back on the wagon.
Ok, fine, the toilet seat.
You knew what I meant.

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22 downstairs

This post-workout shit
Was tough on my abs. Oh yeah,
And for my butthole.

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21 home

At this point, it's like
The '71 Lakers.
When will the streak end?

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20 kids’ bathroom

Maybe I have some
Low grade stomach virus thing.
Otherwise…the fuck?

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19 downstairs

Happy Friday, folks!
I made something for you, but
It's kinda shitty.

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18 kids’ bathroom

The Indian food
Was cooked in the tandoori,
Then again in me.

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17 downstairs

With all this shitting,
I haven't lost any weight.
Seems impossible.

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16 downstairs

The Shitting Machine
Isn't the greatest nickname,
But if the poop fits…

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15 kids’ bathroom

I'm no longer shocked
By my shit production, or…
Pooductivity.

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14 downstairs

Look! He shits again!
We're all witness to this feat.
Please, no sudden moves.

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13 kids’ bathroom

This smells horrible.
Opening a window is
The least I can do.

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12 downstairs

I rocked back and forth,
And finally it came out.
Where is my medal?

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11 downstairs

I took a day off,
Which used to be quite normal.
Such a strange year, man.

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10 downstairs

Hit double digits
Just a week into the year.
Shit is getting weird.

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9 downstairs

This is getting weird.
Mercury in retrograde?
My butt sure isn't.

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8 downstairs

Last year, rioters
Stormed the Capitol. This year,
I made a shitstorm.

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7 kids’ bathroom

Keep the streak alive!
But I'm not talking about
A literal streak.

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6 kids’ bathroom

Thanks, Jack in the Box. 

I knew this would happen, but

This nasty? Really?

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5 downstairs

Ok, what the fuck?
Above the "shit each day" pace?
I. Don't. Even. Know.

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4 downstairs

Dude, I'm a machine.
Eat food each day, poop each day.
Like clockwork. With shit.

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3 downstairs

Still a perfect game,
Which is the opposite of
A no-shitter, right?

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2 home

Yesterday

Two days in, two shits.
If I keep this up, I think
I'll get a thousand.

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1 downstairs

On 1-1-2-2,
Here's #1 #2.
It's so poetic.

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