109 home

Honest, officer,
The sub sandwich went in as
Only six inches.

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108 home (kids’ bathroom)

Fuck yeah, finally!
Been dropping putrid fart bombs
For a few days now.

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107 Memphis hotel room

Those baby back ribs
Fell right off the bone, and then
Right out of my ass.

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106 home (kids’ bathroom)

My cousin's wedding
Was gorgeous. The aftermath...
Well, not so gorgeous.

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105 home (kids’ bathroom)

Had Israeli food,
And I'm sad my shit doesn't
Look like falafel.

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104 home

I just flushed away
The Manute Bol of feces.
Dark and verrrrry long.

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103 home (downstairs)

3 and a half days.
I can tell because my shit
Weighs 10.5 pounds.

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102 home

Getting a massage,
But only after I get
These shits and farts out.

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101 home (downstairs)

Today, July 8th,
I vow to avoid eating
Burgers and hot dogs.

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100 home

Number 100!
I'm celebrating it with...
Diarrhea! Yay!

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99 home (downstairs)

I've said it before,
But I bet this would hurt more
If those wings had bones.

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98 home (kids’ bathroom)

A burger, two dogs,
Three beers, plus lots of dessert
Equals ALL. THIS. SHIT.

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97 home (downstairs)

The 5th of July
But I'm making fireworks
Inside the toilet.

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96 home (kids’ bathroom)

My anus is like
A bad pastry chef who just
Learned to pipe frosting.


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