17 home (downstairs)

Unloading before
My morning flight to Utah.
We'll need less fuel now.

Sent from my iPhone

16 work (downstairs)

I just created
A brand new Girl Scout cookie:
Fudge Speckled Splatter.


Sent from my iPhone

15 home

Wait, more liquid shit?
That's fine, but the bubbles are
Unnecessary.


Sent from my iPhone

14 home

Blowing my nose while
Blowing shit out of my ass.
I'm, like, talented.

Sent from my iPhone

13 work

(From yesterday)
Courtesy flushes
Make everyone happier.
What an invention!

Sent from my iPhone

12 work

Sounds like Old Faithful,
But lacks the timing aspect.
Oh, and it spews shit.

Sent from my iPhone

11 work (downstairs)

The dude next to me
Is wiping his ass like he's
Scrubbing dirty plates.

Sent from my iPhone

10 home

It's one of those shits
That makes me think, "When did I
Eat jalapeños?"

Sent from my iPhone

9 home

Our boy's sick at home,
So I'm weekday home dumping.
I guess we all win.

Sent from my iPhone

8 work (downstairs)

I barely made it.
Like "walking-funny-checked-my-
Underwear" barely.


Sent from my iPhone

7 San Francisco hotel

We're in The City
I made this toilet shitty.
And that ain't pretty.

Sent from my iPhone

6 work (downstairs)

Nothing like some blood
To cap off a painful shit.
Nice splash of color.

Sent from my iPhone

5 home (kids’ bathroom)

Seems that I've lost my
Ability to process
Chipotle goodness.

Sent from my iPhone

 

http://save.americanstraps.info

Paul Klein

4 home

It's raining outside.
My butt wanted to match it.
Who likes liquid shit?!?!?

Sent from my iPhone

3 home

Was that high pitch whine
From my nose or from my butt?
We may never know.

Sent from my iPhone

2 Work

That log was giant.
You could build a house with that.
A birdhouse, but still.

Sent from my iPhone

1 Home

First shit of the year!
And something new for '18:
Dump location stats!

Sent from my iPhone