Maid's room

Brown peach pits dropping.

Sent from my iPhone

Dec 30

Last shit of the year?
If so, the smell might linger
Into the next one.

Sent from my iPhone

Holy Crap

I'm making again! Amazing.

Sent from my iPhone

Dec 29

Here you go, toilet,
I got you a Christmas gift:
A fifteen-course meal.

Sent from my iPhone

Papa Paul

Last night at 10:55 a soft, inside out slider. Also this morning at 2:45 a.m. A surprise 1/2 asleep but in the bathroom crap a right now, a nice one in the process.

Sent from my iPhone

Birthday poop

My first crap at age 67.
Long and thin. It just kept going. Long enough to wrap a big birthday present.

Sent from my iPhone

New member

Low flush toilets do contain my discharge.

Sent from my iPhone

Testes, testes

1, 2...3?

Sent from my iPhone

Merry Christmas

It's Christmas morning
It seems that I've crapped some gold
frankincense, and myrrh.

Dec 24

Merry Christmas Eve!
In the spirit of giving,
Here's diarrhea!

Sent from my iPhone

Test

Green apple splatters.

Dec 22

It's Hanukkah but
I think it's too dangerous
To light a candle.

Sent from my iPhone

Dec 20

This hardly counts, but
Technically, I took a dump,
So here's your haiku.

Sent from my iPhone

Dec 16

What started off as
Some hard sedimentary rock
Has become magma.

Sent from my iPhone

Dec 12

After some bad cramps,
This shit left me in need of
An anal tampon.

Sent from my iPhone

Dec 10

It's been a few days,
So dust shot out of my ass.
Liquid dust, but still.

Sent from my iPhone

Dec 7

December 7th,
A gross, painful shit that shall
Live in infamy.

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Dec 4

3 shits in 3 days?!
I think my ass is humming
"A Long December."

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Dec 3

I shat out two things:
One fat, one thin. Like a brown
Laurel and Hardy.

Sent from my iPhone

Dec 2

Is this stink all mine
Or is my "neighbor" involved?
If so, that dude's gross.

Sent from my iPhone

Nov 29

After Black Friday,
According to this shit, it's
Light Brown Saturday.

Sent from my iPhone

Nov 27

Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm giving way more than thanks
To the toilet bowl.

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Nov 23

It feels like my ass
Got the "spray gun" from Contra.
(Guys my age get it.)

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Nov 19

Another gross shit.
I think my body's saying,
"Here's some more gross shit."

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Nov 18

If I named this shit,
I think it would have to be
(In a loud voice) RAAAAAALPH!!!!

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Nov 17

Monday morning dumps
Are like rainbows, 'cause they both
...uhhhh. I got nothing.

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Nov 14

Watched the Lakers lose,
Then I lost something: about
5 pounds' worth of shit.

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Nov 11

For Veterans' Day,
I - wait, I shouldn't say that.
Or that either. Damn.

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Nov 8

I ate a McRib,
But my shit is devoid of
Fake bones. What a shame.

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Nov 5

Candy is magic!
I ate a Snickers but now
Poop out M&Ms.

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Nov 3

I ate at Sharky's,
But after this shit, they should
Rename it Sharty's.

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Oct 31

Since it's Halloween,
I think I'll call this shit a
Ghost of Dinners Past.

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Oct 27

I almost needed
An epoosiatomy
For that giant dump.

Sent from my iPhone

Oct 25

If my anus were
A country, it's flag would have
Both brown and red stripes.

Sent from my iPhone

Oct 23

Shitting now before
Standing at a long concert.
Good call, me, good call.

Sent from my iPhone

Oct 19

I have a problem:
I don't know if this is blood
Or Tapatio.

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Oct 17

My ass must look like
A bearded mouth chomping on
A mushy stogie.

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Oct 14

Feeling light-headed,
And after this monstrous dump,
My ass feels light too.

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Oct 13

"Monday the 13th"
Isn't normally scary,
But look at this shit!

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Oct 9

If vegan food caused
This stomach pain and gross shit,
It's all meat for Pete.

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Oct 8

Today is ten-eight,
And accordingly, I've made
One ten-eight-ious dump.

Sent from my iPhone

Poop

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Now

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Earlier

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Sunday

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Saturday

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Oct 5

It was Yom Kippur,
And my toilet was fasting.
L'shana tova!

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Oct 3

I'm falling asleep,
So while my eyes close, my ass
Is wide open. Wide.

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Fletch lives

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Return of the king

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Back in the saddle

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I'm back

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Sept 28

Last night I ordered
An Old Fashioned. That explains
Why my shit's muddled.

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Sept 25

Back on my home throne.
Maybe that's what's making my
Butthole so relaxed.

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Sept 24

More Idaho shit.
I can see why they call it
The Wipe Yo Ass State.

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Sept 23

Shitting in Boise.
It's like Walking in Memphis,
But way smellier.

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Sept 21

I'm disappointed.
I ate a bag of a Skittles
But my shit's still brown.

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Sept 16

That was offensive.
It smelled, sounded, looked, and felt
Awful. (Tasted fine.)

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Sept 15

It's so hot outside
That even my shit would sweat
(If it had sweat glands).

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Sept 13

We got a new dog
And cheered when she took a dump.
So...where's my applause?

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Sept 11

My tasteless tribute
Was also over-zealous:
I shit three "towers."

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Backlog 1

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8

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7

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6

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5

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4

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3

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2

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Sept 8

I judged a cook-off
Where every dish had bacon.
This shit ain't kosher.

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Ouch

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Boom

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Sept 3

Had sushi for lunch,
And though I just ate tuna,
I'm shitting an eel.

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Dumps like a truck

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Sept 2

It's post Labor Day,
So the toilet bowl's insides
Are no longer white.

Sent from my iPhone

Again

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Good start to September

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That's it for august

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Assy deucey

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Now

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Yesterday 2

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Yesterday 1

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Aug 30

From the sounds I hear,
My ass could benefit from
Higher octane gas.

Sent from my iPhone

Now

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Yesterday

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Earlier

Sent from my iPhone

Way earlier

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Poopy

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Now

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Sun 2

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Sun

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Sat 3

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Sat 2

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Sat

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Friday

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Aug 25

My poop's not a toy,
But if it were, I'd call it
Smelly Putty. Yeah.

Sent from my iPhone

Aug 24

Sushi for dinner
And peach cobbler for dessert.
So this is...bizarre.

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Aug 22

I had one of those
Hot/brown/smelly/bloody shits.
Except it was gross.

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3

Sent from my iPhone

2

Sent from my iPhone

1

Sent from my iPhone

Yesterday

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Aug 20

By the feel of this,
I may have just shit out some
Feces tempura.

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This might be a catch up day

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Early

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Yesterday

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Aug 18

I ate every part
Of the pizza, yet somehow
I only shit dough.

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Rapid fire

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Today

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Yesterday

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This shot just got real

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Dirty south. That's a thing right?

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Aug 15

Add one part Wheat Beer
To two parts Chicken Salad,
And voila! Feces.

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Aug 13

It's Lefthanders' Day,
And here's a little-known fact:
I poop left-handed.

Sent from my iPhone

Today

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Yesterday

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Aug 12

I grilled on Sunday,
And now my shit resembles
Used charcoal briquettes.

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Monday yo

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Slow start, strong finish

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Third

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Second

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First of the weekend

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Aug 9

That Israeli food
And beer last night turned into
Chocolate hummus. Weird.

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Aug 7

This is a problem.
My shit feels twice as wide as
My poor, poor anus.

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Now

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Yesterday

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Last night

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I did it

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A few minutes ago I made poopoo caca

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Yesterday

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Aug 4

This isn't pretty;
That is, unless you're into
Fresh squirrel roadkill.

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Aug 3

Hmm, this shit looks like
Last night's Dodger Dog, but I
Don't recall chili.

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Now

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Yesterday

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Back to work

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Aug 1

Oh, how poetic!
It's my mom's birthday, and yet
I'm birthing something.

Sent from my iPhone

I lied

Sent from my iPhone

Think I might be done for July.

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I thought they banned two-a-days

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July 30

That shit took so long,
That doing it in a "stall"
Was appropriate.

Sent from my iPhone

Tommy's

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Sports cliche... Dump

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Sure, I'm on a historic pace, but I'm just like anybody else. I put my pants on one leg at a time.

Sent from my iPhone

I'm tiring not to get caught up in all the hype. I'm just taking it one poop at a time

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Booyah

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Firepower

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July 27

This shit came quickly;
I guess it was jealous of
My kids' swim lessons.

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Saterday

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Póøpÿ

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Think I forgot one from yesterday

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Pööp

Sent from my iPhone

Dawg, that was NOT a weak poo

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July 24

Shitting while holding
A cup of coffee, so it's
Brown In and Brown Out.


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Y poo mama tambien

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Le Poo de France

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Poo d'état

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That's how I do

Sent from my iPhone

And how

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Back to normal

Sent from my iPhone

July 21

I think that food truck
Screwed up. I didn't order
The Laxative Meal.


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Heating up

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Didn't go yesterday

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July 19

Damn, I screwed that up:
I wore my brown underwear
Yesterday. Moron.

Sent from my iPhone

What dey?

Sent from my iPhone

Still weird

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Why?

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Well then there is no pleasing you

Sent from my iPhone

Not like this

Sent from my iPhone

Digestive insanity

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July 15

My ass must have gone
To the optometrist since
It's all dilated.

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Still not right

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Maybe I'm not done.

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T funk fuzzy the dunk

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Think I might be done

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Here we go again

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July 14

I think Greg might have
Hand to Mouth to Ass Disease
'Cause man does he shit.

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Yuck

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I feel icky

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5

Sent from my iPhone

4

Sent from my iPhone

3

Sent from my iPhone

Yesterday

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2

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1

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Squadoosh

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Po po zow?

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July 10

As my shit emerged,
I said, "Aloha!" I flushed,
And said it again.

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Spinach-y

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Sorry Monsieur Huget

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Earlier

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Yesterday

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July 8

I ate fish, and now
I give it back to the sea.
Fecal recycling.

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July 5

First day in Maui,
But I've already produced
A pupu platter.

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Pow

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I can't possibly keep this up

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Earlier

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FMITGA

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Green tea really is good for digestive health

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Shaw nuf

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Rapid fire

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Everything zen? I don't think so.

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So much

Sent from my iPhone

A quick one before bed

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USA USA USA

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Happy fourth

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We're done with our mission... Asshole, at ease. Until the next adventure.

Sent from my iPhone

Creature report. Creature report... Creature report!!!

Sent from my iPhone

July 2

Three days 'til Maui,
But my butt's acting like a
Brown poi volcano.

Sent from my iPhone

Early fireworks show

Sent from my iPhone

Huhhhh???

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Whaaaaa???

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Power (poway)

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June 30

Busy day ahead,
So shit now or forever
Hold my, um, feces.


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Rocky

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Target

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Deuce

Sent from my iPhone

June 26

Birthday's tomorrow,
But I'm just as immature.
Ha! Me make poo poo!

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McSteamy

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Yuck

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June 25

I wonder what my
Pre- and post-dump weight difference
Would be on average.

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Yup

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Uh oh

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Boom

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Yesterday

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June 23

Call the pet police,
Cuz I think I hear someone
Choking out a duck.

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L.A.

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Pea soup Anderson's

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Davidson library

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June 20

My ass is hurting
From so many dumps - for me.
This must be June Gloom.

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I made a poo, I made a poo for you. Oh what a thing to do. And it was called "yellow"

Sent from my iPhone

Dude, that was TNT

Sent from my iPhone

June 19

A quesadilla
And three burritos might be
My Mexi-limit.

Sent from my iPhone

Tremendous

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Sharp cheddar

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Easy, breezy, beautiful. Cover girl.

Sent from my iPhone

Jun 17

And the Oscar for
Excellence in Sound Mixing
Goes to...Peter's ass!

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Eat spaghetti with a spoon

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What it's like, having a roni

Sent from my iPhone

Prime minister of poo china

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14 linear feet

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Oh, it's on

Sent from my iPhone

June boom

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Bam Bam Bigelow

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Bam bam

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Fruity pebbles

Sent from my iPhone

Yesterday

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June 13

I'm back from Vegas,
And I brought a souvenir:
A bloody butthole!

Sent from my iPhone

Hello again

Sent from my iPhone

Now I'm at work

Sent from my iPhone

Still at home

Sent from my iPhone

Yesterday

Sent from my iPhone

June 12

My stomach is pissed.
I can tell from the grumbling,
Hissing, and spitting.

Sent from my iPhone

June 11

Shitting in Vegas,
Upset that it doesn't sound
Like a slot machine.

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Disappointing

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Wow - Jake from Tampa

Sent from my iPhone

Wow - Teemu Selanne

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Your Bain is

Sent from my iPhone

Dos

Sent from my iPhone

Yahtzee

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So small

Sent from my iPhone

2

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Big one

Sent from my iPhone

Yesterday

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June 8

Is Lionel Richie's
"Easy Like Sunday Morning"
About my loose stools?

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40-40

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Oy

Sent from my iPhone

Poo man, I'm together with your plan

Sent from my iPhone

Pooping on ants

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Whoa man

Sent from my iPhone

Whoa!!!

Sent from my iPhone

June 4

Sorry, work bathroom.
You didn't deserve such a
Gross start to your day.

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Put some stank on it... Mamma

Sent from my iPhone

Dooked it up

Sent from my iPhone

Again

Sent from my iPhone

Earlier

Sent from my iPhone

Yesterday

Sent from my iPhone

June 1

My cold's almost gone,
Which means I'm sad to report
That my shit does stink.

Sent from my iPhone

Squirty

Sent from my iPhone

Sfo

Sent from my iPhone

Rei in San Francisco

Sent from my iPhone

A gift to uc Hastings

Sent from my iPhone

Earlier

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Dis is Wayne!!! Whh

Sent from my iPhone

Dis is Wayne!!! Whhhhhhhh!!!

Sent from my iPhone

May 28

Two shits in two days!
Could working from home be the
Secret of the poos?

Sent from my iPhone

Lighter still

Sent from my iPhone

Feeling lighter

Sent from my iPhone

May 27

Went home with a cold.
Think the Affrin only worked
On my stuffed up ass.

Sent from my iPhone

I'm going to Hawaii, yay!!!

Sent from my iPhone

Better

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Lucky that my poos are small and humble so that you don't confuse them for mountains

Sent from my iPhone

We are just getting started

Sent from my iPhone

May 25

A three-day weekend,
Which fits thematically with
My PK weak end.

Sent from my iPhone

One more from yesterday

Sent from my iPhone

That just happened

Sent from my iPhone

We might have a problem

Sent from my iPhone

That was close

Sent from my iPhone

Oh no. Naughty, naughty cool aid

Sent from my iPhone

Oh yeah! Oh yeah!

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Where are me guts? Need my guts

Sent from my iPhone

I am mass hysteria

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Taco taco

Sent from my iPhone

Burrito burrito

Sent from my iPhone

Taco taco

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May 21

If asked to describe
This shit in one word, I'd say
"Volume." Both meanings.

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How did this get made?

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Secondhand moose bukake

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Poop there it is, poop there it is!!! Louder.

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I believe I can fly

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A lesser toilet would have given up

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If you want a doodoo rhyme, then come see me

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Well it's the taking of the Pelham 1 2 3

Sent from my iPhone

Deux

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May 16

I feel sorry for
The guy in the stall next door.
Hope he brought noseplugs.

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Badge quest

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Clackety clack

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That'sa spicy meataball

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Soft serve

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Dump

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May 14

Hump Day is Dump Day!
My "I Just Hurt My Rump" Day.
Oops, That's a Clump...Day.

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Itty bitty

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We're going to Florida!!!

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Try again

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The mother load... get it?

Sent from my iPhone

Sunday evening

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That's it?

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Yesterday

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May 11

A gaping hole plus
Some pushing and crying? Yep -
Happy Mother's Day!


Sent from my iPhone

My name is wepoo!!!!

Sent from my iPhone

Good to go

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May 7

My butt's acting like
A stuffed up yet runny nose.
Oh - except with shit.

Sent from my iPhone

Drip

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Pooooooooooooooooooooop

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Why do I keep forgetting?

Sent from my iPhone

Squirtle

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Earlier

Sent from my iPhone

Way earlier

Sent from my iPhone

Friday

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May 4

My stomach begs me
To never again combine
"Deep fried" and "Pop Tart."

Sent from my iPhone

Oy vey

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Oy

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May Day

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Way hey no way, 3 gold depoos

Sent from my iPhone

Apr 30

Between the farting
And splashing water, I'm like
A human duck pond.

Sent from my iPhone

Listen what I say-oh

Sent from my iPhone

Hey-oh!!!!!!!!!!

Sent from my iPhone

Rampage

Sent from my iPhone

Apr 28

Mondays sure are fun.
They remind me of all the
Weekend food I ate.

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Gorsh

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More?

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Blast off!!!

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Two

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One

Sent from my iPhone

Catorce

Sent from my iPhone

Apr 25

That shit was naaaaasty.
I think I owe the toilet
An apology.


Sent from my iPhone

Uno

Sent from my iPhone

Dos

Sent from my iPhone

Now

Sent from my iPhone

Earlier

Sent from my iPhone

Apr 23

For some strange reason,
I have a mental picture
Of the Log Jammer.

Sent from my iPhone

Now

Sent from my iPhone

Earlier

Sent from my iPhone

Fruit salad!!!

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Weekends are weird

Sent from my iPhone

Right now

Sent from my iPhone

Earlier

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Apr 20

Happy 4-20.
To honor the day, my butt
Is puff-puff-giving.

Sent from my iPhone

Long day

Sent from my iPhone

I can't do my wook

Sent from my iPhone

Right now

Sent from my iPhone

Earlier

Sent from my iPhone

Apr 16

Note to self: Next time
You're asked if you want more beans,
Say no. Please say no.

Sent from my iPhone

Today

Sent from my iPhone

Yesterday

Sent from my iPhone

Apr 15

Today is Tax Day,
And I'm glad there's no tariff
On my brown export.

Sent from my iPhone

Death to smoochy

Sent from my iPhone

Poop

Sent from my iPhone

That could've been 2

Sent from my iPhone

Making up for yesterday

Sent from my iPhone

Apr 11

Three days in a row?
Is this some shitty remake
Of Freaky Friday?

Sent from my iPhone

Apr 10

It's now official:
No more pizza for a while.
My ass can't take it.

Sent from my iPhone

Apr 9

This shit reminds me
Of The Tortoise and The Hare...
Except no one wins.

Sent from my iPhone

That's not right

Sent from my iPhone

Soft serve

Sent from my iPhone

Man

Sent from my iPhone

Making room for dinner

Sent from my iPhone

Making room for lunch

Sent from my iPhone

Pepino

Sent from my iPhone

Captain insano

Sent from my iPhone

Monday morning massive movement mahalo

Sent from my iPhone

Apr 7

A lot of pizza
Plus more leftover pizza
Equals this big shit.

Sent from my iPhone

More

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Boulder

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More pebbles

Sent from my iPhone

Pebbly

Sent from my iPhone

Late

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Poopoo

Sent from my iPhone

Apr 3

I think this shit had
One of those Fast Pass things for
The Chocolate Highway.

Sent from my iPhone

Dookie!

Sent from my iPhone

What's that smell?

Sent from my iPhone

Yoga flame

Sent from my iPhone

Yoga fire, yoga fire

Sent from my iPhone

Apr 1

I didn't just shit
A whole fiesta platter.
April Fools! Good one!


Sent from my iPhone

Don't call it a comeback

Sent from my iPhone

Mar 31

The last day of March,
But my ass is ready with
Pre-April showers.

Sent from my iPhone

Zeus!!!

Sent from my iPhone

Hopefully turning the corner

Sent from my iPhone

You don't understand flow

Sent from my iPhone

Thank you NASA, thank you NASA, thank you NASA!!!

Sent from my iPhone

Getting better

Sent from my iPhone

Seriously?

Sent from my iPhone

F

Sent from my iPhone

Come on already!

Sent from my iPhone

Little bit more

Sent from my iPhone

There's a shit storm on the horizon

Sent from my iPhone

Mar 28

If I were alone,
I might consider yelling,
"Open the mudgates!"

Sent from my iPhone

Still fussy

Sent from my iPhone

I don't think I have irritable bowels, but they certainly are cranky

Sent from my iPhone

Digestive madness

Sent from my iPhone

Weird

Sent from my iPhone

March feels slow

Sent from my iPhone

Hump day or dump day?

Sent from my iPhone

Tuesday

Sent from my iPhone

Mar 25

So I tried Subway's
New "Flatizza," and my butt
Gives it one (brown) star.

Sent from my iPhone

Mar 24

I don't remember
Eating ground beef, but the proof
Is in the "pudding."


Sent from my iPhone

RRRRRROAW RRRRRRROAW like a dungeon dragon

Sent from my iPhone

Itty bitty

Sent from my iPhone

Nice way to wrap up the weekend

Sent from my iPhone

And in the eyes of the jakal, I say KABOOM!!!

Sent from my iPhone

Mar 23

Simple addition:
Pricey steak + time =
Some expensive shit.

Sent from my iPhone

And Saturday

Sent from my iPhone

One from Friday

Sent from my iPhone

Mar 20

For both March Madness
And my digestive madness,
Some things are busted.

Sent from my iPhone

Canon

Sent from my iPhone

Shibby

Sent from my iPhone

First of the day and it was a doozy

Sent from my iPhone

More?

Sent from my iPhone

Muddy waters

Sent from my iPhone

Delta Pu!!! Heh yeah

Sent from my iPhone

Greasy

Sent from my iPhone

Mar 17

I'm glad that my shit
Stopped itself from turning green
For St. Patrick's Day.

Sent from my iPhone

That's gonna leave a mark

Sent from my iPhone

I'm sorry dude in the stall next to me

Sent from my iPhone

First of the weekend. Backed up. Kid of feel sorry for work

Sent from my iPhone

Snaky poo

Sent from my iPhone

Tummy :(

Sent from my iPhone

Mar 13

This shit is so foul -
HOW FOUL IS IT? - So foul that
I'm shooting free throws.


Sent from my iPhone

About last night... I dumped

Sent from my iPhone

I win, I win again

Sent from my iPhone

5 stars

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Feeling like I might be busy today

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Like clockwork

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Massive 2

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Massive 1

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Less painful

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Acidy spit from my anus

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Mar 9

Daylight Savings Time
Is responsible for this
"Springing forward" shit.

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Champagne supernova... of shit

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Super massive black hole... of shit

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Gotta get down on Friday

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Up to date

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Yesterday 2

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Yesterday 1

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Mar 7

I like to set goals,
Like "Don't clog the work toilet"
And "Try not to bleed."

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Mar 5

If my math holds up,
I had 13 meals between
This dump and the last.

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Doody

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If it's gonna be that kind of party, I'm gonna stick my... Wait. I don't think that line applies here

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Dude... That was TNT

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The blistering pace is blistering my ass

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Better

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Oy

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Damn you Salazar!!!

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The horror

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New month, same story

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Mar 1

To honor the date,
Shit is orderly Marching
Out of my asshole.

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Closing out February with a bang

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Massive phantom

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Why does my ass hurt? Oh yeah, really big dump that I forgot to report

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Feb 26

I went from having
Some really bad gas pain to
Really bad ass pain.

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Back to a respectable volume, I still feel like there is more to come

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Hello again

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Wimpy wimpy wimpy

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Taking MCA's advice and letting it flow like a mudslide

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Don't drink the water. There's blood in the water... and also poop

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Medic!!!

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That made up for yesterday

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Feb 23

Quite accurately,
This fecal matter of mine
Thinks that it's hot shit.


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Feel better about that one

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I almost feel guilty about reporting this one

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Squeg!!!

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Feb 22

I don't remember
Eating a frog, but my ass
Definitely croaked.

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I guess that counts

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Not this time

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Keep forgetting

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Going

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Oops again

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Oops

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Good thing I'm not an Olympian. Sochi plumbing would not be able to handle me

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On a per day basis, February is going to be tough to beat

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Feb 17

"Here I Go Again"
Was a Whitesnake song, but I'm
Making a Brownsnake.


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