125 kids’ bathroom

Quite the trifecta! And by that I mean this sounds, Looks, and smells bad too. Sent from my iPhone

124 work

Very few people In the office today, so People could blame me. Sent from my iPhone

123 downstairs

Knew last night’s was just The beginning of something Haiku provoking. Sent from my iPhone

122 downstairs

Oy vey. That’s not good. Was it my lunch burrito Or the breakfast one? Sent from my iPhone

121 home

Post cleaning crew dump. My smell might be better than Those bleachy products. Sent from my iPhone

120 kids’ bathroom

Cleaning crew’s coming. Gotta give them a challenge, And this fits the bill. Sent from my iPhone

119 downstairs

Wasn’t sure, but Boom! And then it was gone, like Poof! Also Squeak! And Splat! Sent from my iPhone

118 downstairs

Tried multiple times And finally had success. Like Susan Lucci. Sent from my iPhone

116 home

Yesterday You’d think I like this With how often I come back. But you would be wrong. Sent from my iPhone

117 home

Driving to OC And sitting in some traffic. Pre-sitting shitting. Sent from my iPhone

115 downstairs

Yesterday Happy dump day, folks! What’s that? You call it hump day? Frickin’ novices. Sent from my iPhone

116 kids’ bathroom

Just left the chiro And there’s still something wrong with One specific crack. Sent from my iPhone

115 kids’ bathroom

Glad I’m home today So I don’t have to skulk out And hope no one sees. Sent from my iPhone

114 downstairs

Just a little squirt, But rules are rules. Actually, Butt rules are rules too. Sent from my iPhone

113 downstairs

Yesterday Finally. Jesus. This one was on deck for days And it seems angry. Sent from my iPhone

113 work

Don’t really have time, But what is a butt to do? It waits for no man. Sent from my iPhone

112 home

Another so soon? And a pretty nasty one. An ominous sign… Sent from my iPhone

111 home

Home alone today, So lots of time for this smell To get unsmelly. Sent from my iPhone

110 kids’ bathroom

Yesterday Am I making room For cinco de mayo AND Taco Tuesday? Yes! Sent from my iPhone

110 home

Hey, that wasn’t nice. After all that time I spent Ingesting the food. Sent from my iPhone

109 home

Yesterday NBA playoffs Are visually engaging, But I bring the smell. Sent from my iPhone

108 downstairs

Friday This one had a feel Quite different from the wipe count. Never stop learning. Sent from my iPhone

107 downstairs

Big meeting later, So I need to be lighter On my toes. And butt. Sent from my iPhone

106 work

Another one here? Do I need to start citing Which bathroom I’m in? Sent from my iPhone

105 work

This one made me say “Oh? Oh!” aloud with surprise. Why? That’s my secret. Sent from my iPhone

104 home

This makes three today! All from me but all unique. Just like having kids. Sent from my iPhone

103 home

Was just about to Go for a long walk. Good thing. I spared some bushes. Sent from my iPhone

102 downstairs

My stomach’s better. I mean it feels better but I’m still, ya know, here. Sent from my iPhone

101 work

Sprayed some Poo-purri And I think it might’ve worked. Or my nose gave up. Sent from my iPhone

100 downstairs

Ugh, it’s still not right. Emmy’s had some bad shits too, So can I blame her? Sent from my iPhone

99 downstairs

Was it the smoothie? Because I can’t deny that There’s some smoothness here. Sent from my iPhone

98 downstairs

That wasn’t just gross, It was memorably gross. I’m sorry, bathroom. Sent from my iPhone

97 downstairs

Yesterday An all-day conference Is no place to be shitting. Phew for everyone. Sent from my iPhone

96 work

This wasn’t too bad, But I don’t think I got to Yesterday’s burger. Sent from my iPhone

95 home

Happy Saturday. I’m adding the sat and turd And the day I guess. Sent from my iPhone

94 home

I ate some French fries And it wasn’t on Friday. Is this punishment? Sent from my iPhone

93 downstairs

Poop, shower, quick walk. That’s how you start a Friday! Don’t need the poop though. Sent from my iPhone

92 home

My butt’s unhappy. But I think my nose has it Pretty damn bad too. Sent from my iPhone

91 downstairs

I have a feeling I’ll be here again soon. And …other feelings too. Sent from my iPhone

90 work

So glad I’m alone. The sounds my butt made were gross And hard to explain. Sent from my iPhone

89 downstairs

I wanted to wait But there was no denying This shit’s intention. Sent from my iPhone

88 home

I’m shitting more here. Guess I like the new toilet. I mean, stats don’t lie. Sent from my iPhone

87 home

Yesterday Daughter’s sleepover Is starting soon. Hope the smell Is long gone by then. Sent from my iPhone

86 home

The new toilet works. That’s a really good thing since This was a big assk. Sent from my iPhone

85 downstairs

TGI Fartday! Not sure why I’m thanking god, But hey, it’s catchy. Sent from my iPhone

84 home

Tried going before But failed. I mean my butt failed. But my butt failed. Yeah. Sent from my iPhone

83 work

I just don’t get it. I shat out all my insides But am still farting? Sent from my iPhone

82 downstairs

Last night. Right before bedtime, I’m shitting all my brains out. That’s right, I’m brainless. Sent from my iPhone

81 home

I hope this isn't
From that new trail mix I like.
Because if so…bye!

Sent from my iPhone

80 home

Happy birthday, kids!
This thing I'm making is not
Your birthday present.

Sent from my iPhone

79 downstairs

Yesterday

What do you call a
Magical fairy who farts
A lot? Stinkersmell.

Sent from my iPhone

78 home

First on this toilet!
This is the beginning of
A shitty friendship.

Sent from my iPhone

77 downstairs

This shit came with me
To UCSB and back
Before…commencing.

Sent from my iPhone

76 kids’ bathroom

I know this feeling.
It's "please no more shits today.
My poor, sad butthole!"


Sent from my iPhone

75 Mandalay Bay hotel room

Before the airport,
I'm dropping some flying weight.
And some flying smell.

Sent from my iPhone

74 Mandalay Bay hotel room

It's been a few days,
Which is apparent because
Wowzers. Just Wowzers.

Sent from my iPhone

73 kids’ bathroom

Hoo boy, that's a lot.
The El Torito tacos
Weren't very -ito.

Sent from my iPhone

72 home

Yesterday

I thought I'd made more
Than that tiny little piece.
Cool sleight of butt trick.

Sent from my iPhone

71 kids’ bathroom

How is there so much
After already going?
Must be a wormhole.

Sent from my iPhone

70 kids’ bathroom

Just me in the house,
So what shall I desecrate?
I'm sorry, children.

Sent from my iPhone

69 downstairs

My stupid stomach
Thinks not liking shitty food
Is, like, more mature.

Sent from my iPhone

68 downstairs

The tri tip sandwich
Was definitely more than
Just the tip. Way more.

Sent from my iPhone

67 downstairs

Got this out before
The track meet's port-a-potties.
Thank the f'ing lord.

Sent from my iPhone

66 kids’ bathroom

Yesterday
Before the Chiro,
I have another crack that
Needs some attention.

Sent from my iPhone

65 kids’ bathroom

So that lasagna
Had nice and orderly layers
Once upon a time.

Sent from my iPhone

64 kids’ bathroom

Lots of calls today,
And I hope doing this now
Makes them more pleasant.

Sent from my iPhone

63 downstairs

Just before bedtime,
I'm saying goodbye to lunch
Or maybe breakfast.

Sent from my iPhone

62 home

Just a tiny thing,
But like grandma always said,
If it's shat, write that!

Sent from my iPhone

61 home

I feel like my ass
Is a bag of batter that
Makes awful churros.

Sent from my iPhone

60 downstairs

I guess this is me,
The guy with frequent gross shits.
Nice to meet you all.

Sent from my iPhone

59 kids’ bathroom

Even more of this?
It makes me afraid to fart,
And farting's my thing!

Sent from my iPhone

58 downstairs

Getting nostalgic
For solid shits. At least I'm
Losing water weight.

Sent from my iPhone

57 home

I gotta stop this
"Not very solid, pungent,
And nasty shit" shit.

Sent from my iPhone

56 downstairs

Throws off my timing,
But when the butt has spoken
I'd better listen.

Sent from my iPhone

55 work

I hate to do it
But was left no other choice.
Sorry, coworkers.

Sent from my iPhone

54 downstairs

This is a bad start
To what should be a packed week.
Well, I'm unpacking!

Sent from my iPhone

53 home

A nice, low-key day,
So this shit can be both a
Highlight and lowlight.


Sent from my iPhone

52 home

Yesterday

The port-a-potties
At the track meet wouldn't do.
I'm glad I waited.

Sent from my iPhone

51 home

Knew it wouldn't clog
Because it was a whole lot
Of splattered grossness.

Sent from my iPhone

50 home

What caused this? It's gross,
Forceful, and unexpected.
Just like your mom. Zing!

Sent from my iPhone

49 home

What the fuck was that?
A hidden ass bazooka
Just announced itself.

Sent from my iPhone

48 home

My wife's leaving town,
So I can stink up with place
With impunity.

Sent from my iPhone

47 downstairs

That took a long time
And delayed my shower, but
I couldn't say no.

Sent from my iPhone

46 downstairs

Can I just not shit
For like a month or something?
My ass needs a break.

Sent from my iPhone

45 kids’ bathroom

Was gassy all day
And clenching my cheeks at work.
They're soooo unclenched now.

Sent from my iPhone

44 downstairs

Friday morning shits
Fittingly make my end weak
Before the weekend.

Sent from my iPhone

43 kids’ bathroom

My wife just asked me
Through the door if I'm ok.
I mean, yes and no.

Sent from my iPhone

42 work

As an early bird,
Do I make the early turd?
That would be absurd.

Sent from my iPhone

41 downstairs

And here's number three.
That's #2 #3
If you were confused.

Sent from my iPhone

40 home

My butt is hopeful
That I'm done shitting today.
It needs some "me time."

Sent from my iPhone

39 downstairs

Oof, that was a lot.
My legs fell fully asleep,
But my nose still worked.

Sent from my iPhone

38 home

This food's journey here
Was treacherous and gruesome.
Enjoy the bath, shit.

Sent from my iPhone

37 downstairs

Thank god it's Friday,
And also for shits that are
Easy and mess-free.

Sent from my iPhone

36 downstairs

The fuck, Chipotle?!?
I thought you and my stomach
Got along nicely.

Sent from my iPhone

35 work

Trying to be fast
So people think it's just pee.
They'd be wrong. It's shit.

Sent from my iPhone

34 home

Post Super Bowl shit!
Not tender like the chicken
Nor squares like the sheet.

Sent from my iPhone

33 home

Pre Super Bowl shit!
I'm making this toilet bowl
Very unsuper.

Sent from my iPhone

32 downstairs

My offering to
The toilet gods may be small,
But it is potent.

Sent from my iPhone

31 downstairs

I hope this gross shit
Doesn't mean I'm getting sick.
Shut up, it so could!

Sent from my iPhone

30 downstairs

My dog pooped outside,
Then I pooped inside. Who wins?
Trick question. It's love.

Sent from my iPhone

29 downstairs

I still have my brains,
Which is surprising since I
Thought I shit them out.

Sent from my iPhone

28 downstairs

Couldn't go all day,
So this morning one feels like
I already won.

Sent from my iPhone

27 downstairs

My butt's unhappy,
Which makes my heart unhappy.
But mostly my nose.

Sent from my iPhone

26 downstairs

Did I offend you,
Mr. Shit? Because you seemed
In quite a hurry.

Sent from my iPhone

25 downstairs

I'm very thankful.
The 2-day off-site meeting
Hasn't started yet.

Sent from my iPhone

24 downstairs

Taping a podcast,
So shitting now should reduce
On-air fart noises.

Sent from my iPhone

23 downstairs

Yesterday

Late for my shower,
But doing this first is smart.
Need power washing.

Sent from my iPhone

22 work

Don't like doing this,
But my poop options were few.
Sorry - my pooptions.

Sent from my iPhone

21 home

I didn't know that
It was "One Long Turd Friday"
But I was prepared.

Sent from my iPhone

20 kids’ bathroom

Got this out before
A bunch of non-stop meetings.
Thanks, shit-timing gods!

Sent from my iPhone

19 downstairs

A post workout shit
Means I have an excuse for
Being all sweaty.

Sent from my iPhone

18 home

Less than one a day.
I mean fewer. Sorry. And
Sorry for the smell.

Sent from my iPhone

17 home

Courtesy flush clogs
Aren't exactly ironic
But you get the point.

Sent from my iPhone

16 work

Spent a long meeting
Squeezing my cheeks together
Like a fucking champ.

Sent from my iPhone

15 downstairs

How is there so much?
I guess eating will do that,
But still…it's a lot.

Sent from my iPhone

14 home

I farted all day.
At least I'm lighter now from
Dropping the air weight.

Sent from my iPhone

13 downstairs

I think I'm ready
To go back to shitting less.
My poor, poor butthole.

Sent from my iPhone

12 home

My butthole is sore.
It's not used to working out
More than once a day.

Sent from my iPhone

11 kids’ bathroom

In and out quickly.
Of the bathroom, that is. Not
My butt. That's just out.

Sent from my iPhone

10 home

No time this morning,
Then it was all farts all day.
Glad my plans firmed up.

Sent from my iPhone

9 home

The fuck did I eat?
Oh wait. Now I remember.
Stupid shit sandwich.

Sent from my iPhone

8 kids’ bathroom

Had some nasty farts,
And I hope shitting stops them…
But I know better

Sent from my iPhone

7 work

Couldn't go at home
But was here early enough
To do this in peace.

Sent from my iPhone

6 home

Last day of my break.
Lots of good rest, time with friends,
Eating, and shitting.

Sent from my iPhone

5 home

So far, so shitty!
Do people who shit more have
Muscular buttholes?

Sent from my iPhone

4 home

That's 4 in 3 days.
If my math is right, that means
I'll have…a million.

Sent from my iPhone

3 home

My shitting pace is
Astronomical so far.
Emphasis on Ass.

Sent from my iPhone

2 downstairs

Ok, '26.
If it's gonna be like this,
We're all in trouble.

Sent from my iPhone

1 downstairs

Out with the old, eh?
It would appear that I have
A lot of the old.

Sent from my iPhone