83 work

I just don’t get it. I shat out all my insides But am still farting? Sent from my iPhone

82 downstairs

Last night. Right before bedtime, I’m shitting all my brains out. That’s right, I’m brainless. Sent from my iPhone

81 home

I hope this isn't
From that new trail mix I like.
Because if so…bye!

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80 home

Happy birthday, kids!
This thing I'm making is not
Your birthday present.

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79 downstairs

Yesterday

What do you call a
Magical fairy who farts
A lot? Stinkersmell.

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78 home

First on this toilet!
This is the beginning of
A shitty friendship.

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77 downstairs

This shit came with me
To UCSB and back
Before…commencing.

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76 kids’ bathroom

I know this feeling.
It's "please no more shits today.
My poor, sad butthole!"


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75 Mandalay Bay hotel room

Before the airport,
I'm dropping some flying weight.
And some flying smell.

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74 Mandalay Bay hotel room

It's been a few days,
Which is apparent because
Wowzers. Just Wowzers.

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73 kids’ bathroom

Hoo boy, that's a lot.
The El Torito tacos
Weren't very -ito.

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72 home

Yesterday

I thought I'd made more
Than that tiny little piece.
Cool sleight of butt trick.

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71 kids’ bathroom

How is there so much
After already going?
Must be a wormhole.

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70 kids’ bathroom

Just me in the house,
So what shall I desecrate?
I'm sorry, children.

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69 downstairs

My stupid stomach
Thinks not liking shitty food
Is, like, more mature.

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68 downstairs

The tri tip sandwich
Was definitely more than
Just the tip. Way more.

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67 downstairs

Got this out before
The track meet's port-a-potties.
Thank the f'ing lord.

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66 kids’ bathroom

Yesterday
Before the Chiro,
I have another crack that
Needs some attention.

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65 kids’ bathroom

So that lasagna
Had nice and orderly layers
Once upon a time.

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64 kids’ bathroom

Lots of calls today,
And I hope doing this now
Makes them more pleasant.

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63 downstairs

Just before bedtime,
I'm saying goodbye to lunch
Or maybe breakfast.

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62 home

Just a tiny thing,
But like grandma always said,
If it's shat, write that!

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61 home

I feel like my ass
Is a bag of batter that
Makes awful churros.

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60 downstairs

I guess this is me,
The guy with frequent gross shits.
Nice to meet you all.

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59 kids’ bathroom

Even more of this?
It makes me afraid to fart,
And farting's my thing!

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58 downstairs

Getting nostalgic
For solid shits. At least I'm
Losing water weight.

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57 home

I gotta stop this
"Not very solid, pungent,
And nasty shit" shit.

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56 downstairs

Throws off my timing,
But when the butt has spoken
I'd better listen.

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55 work

I hate to do it
But was left no other choice.
Sorry, coworkers.

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54 downstairs

This is a bad start
To what should be a packed week.
Well, I'm unpacking!

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53 home

A nice, low-key day,
So this shit can be both a
Highlight and lowlight.


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52 home

Yesterday

The port-a-potties
At the track meet wouldn't do.
I'm glad I waited.

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51 home

Knew it wouldn't clog
Because it was a whole lot
Of splattered grossness.

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50 home

What caused this? It's gross,
Forceful, and unexpected.
Just like your mom. Zing!

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49 home

What the fuck was that?
A hidden ass bazooka
Just announced itself.

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48 home

My wife's leaving town,
So I can stink up with place
With impunity.

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47 downstairs

That took a long time
And delayed my shower, but
I couldn't say no.

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46 downstairs

Can I just not shit
For like a month or something?
My ass needs a break.

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45 kids’ bathroom

Was gassy all day
And clenching my cheeks at work.
They're soooo unclenched now.

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44 downstairs

Friday morning shits
Fittingly make my end weak
Before the weekend.

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43 kids’ bathroom

My wife just asked me
Through the door if I'm ok.
I mean, yes and no.

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42 work

As an early bird,
Do I make the early turd?
That would be absurd.

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41 downstairs

And here's number three.
That's #2 #3
If you were confused.

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40 home

My butt is hopeful
That I'm done shitting today.
It needs some "me time."

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39 downstairs

Oof, that was a lot.
My legs fell fully asleep,
But my nose still worked.

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38 home

This food's journey here
Was treacherous and gruesome.
Enjoy the bath, shit.

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37 downstairs

Thank god it's Friday,
And also for shits that are
Easy and mess-free.

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36 downstairs

The fuck, Chipotle?!?
I thought you and my stomach
Got along nicely.

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35 work

Trying to be fast
So people think it's just pee.
They'd be wrong. It's shit.

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34 home

Post Super Bowl shit!
Not tender like the chicken
Nor squares like the sheet.

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33 home

Pre Super Bowl shit!
I'm making this toilet bowl
Very unsuper.

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32 downstairs

My offering to
The toilet gods may be small,
But it is potent.

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31 downstairs

I hope this gross shit
Doesn't mean I'm getting sick.
Shut up, it so could!

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30 downstairs

My dog pooped outside,
Then I pooped inside. Who wins?
Trick question. It's love.

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29 downstairs

I still have my brains,
Which is surprising since I
Thought I shit them out.

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28 downstairs

Couldn't go all day,
So this morning one feels like
I already won.

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27 downstairs

My butt's unhappy,
Which makes my heart unhappy.
But mostly my nose.

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26 downstairs

Did I offend you,
Mr. Shit? Because you seemed
In quite a hurry.

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25 downstairs

I'm very thankful.
The 2-day off-site meeting
Hasn't started yet.

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24 downstairs

Taping a podcast,
So shitting now should reduce
On-air fart noises.

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23 downstairs

Yesterday

Late for my shower,
But doing this first is smart.
Need power washing.

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22 work

Don't like doing this,
But my poop options were few.
Sorry - my pooptions.

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21 home

I didn't know that
It was "One Long Turd Friday"
But I was prepared.

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20 kids’ bathroom

Got this out before
A bunch of non-stop meetings.
Thanks, shit-timing gods!

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19 downstairs

A post workout shit
Means I have an excuse for
Being all sweaty.

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18 home

Less than one a day.
I mean fewer. Sorry. And
Sorry for the smell.

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17 home

Courtesy flush clogs
Aren't exactly ironic
But you get the point.

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16 work

Spent a long meeting
Squeezing my cheeks together
Like a fucking champ.

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15 downstairs

How is there so much?
I guess eating will do that,
But still…it's a lot.

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14 home

I farted all day.
At least I'm lighter now from
Dropping the air weight.

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13 downstairs

I think I'm ready
To go back to shitting less.
My poor, poor butthole.

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12 home

My butthole is sore.
It's not used to working out
More than once a day.

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11 kids’ bathroom

In and out quickly.
Of the bathroom, that is. Not
My butt. That's just out.

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10 home

No time this morning,
Then it was all farts all day.
Glad my plans firmed up.

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9 home

The fuck did I eat?
Oh wait. Now I remember.
Stupid shit sandwich.

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8 kids’ bathroom

Had some nasty farts,
And I hope shitting stops them…
But I know better

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7 work

Couldn't go at home
But was here early enough
To do this in peace.

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6 home

Last day of my break.
Lots of good rest, time with friends,
Eating, and shitting.

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5 home

So far, so shitty!
Do people who shit more have
Muscular buttholes?

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4 home

That's 4 in 3 days.
If my math is right, that means
I'll have…a million.

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3 home

My shitting pace is
Astronomical so far.
Emphasis on Ass.

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2 downstairs

Ok, '26.
If it's gonna be like this,
We're all in trouble.

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1 downstairs

Out with the old, eh?
It would appear that I have
A lot of the old.

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