43 kids’ bathroom

My wife just asked me
Through the door if I'm ok.
I mean, yes and no.

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42 work

As an early bird,
Do I make the early turd?
That would be absurd.

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41 downstairs

And here's number three.
That's #2 #3
If you were confused.

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40 home

My butt is hopeful
That I'm done shitting today.
It needs some "me time."

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39 downstairs

Oof, that was a lot.
My legs fell fully asleep,
But my nose still worked.

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38 home

This food's journey here
Was treacherous and gruesome.
Enjoy the bath, shit.

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37 downstairs

Thank god it's Friday,
And also for shits that are
Easy and mess-free.

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36 downstairs

The fuck, Chipotle?!?
I thought you and my stomach
Got along nicely.

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35 work

Trying to be fast
So people think it's just pee.
They'd be wrong. It's shit.

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34 home

Post Super Bowl shit!
Not tender like the chicken
Nor squares like the sheet.

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33 home

Pre Super Bowl shit!
I'm making this toilet bowl
Very unsuper.

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32 downstairs

My offering to
The toilet gods may be small,
But it is potent.

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31 downstairs

I hope this gross shit
Doesn't mean I'm getting sick.
Shut up, it so could!

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30 downstairs

My dog pooped outside,
Then I pooped inside. Who wins?
Trick question. It's love.

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29 downstairs

I still have my brains,
Which is surprising since I
Thought I shit them out.

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28 downstairs

Couldn't go all day,
So this morning one feels like
I already won.

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27 downstairs

My butt's unhappy,
Which makes my heart unhappy.
But mostly my nose.

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26 downstairs

Did I offend you,
Mr. Shit? Because you seemed
In quite a hurry.

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25 downstairs

I'm very thankful.
The 2-day off-site meeting
Hasn't started yet.

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24 downstairs

Taping a podcast,
So shitting now should reduce
On-air fart noises.

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23 downstairs

Yesterday

Late for my shower,
But doing this first is smart.
Need power washing.

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22 work

Don't like doing this,
But my poop options were few.
Sorry - my pooptions.

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21 home

I didn't know that
It was "One Long Turd Friday"
But I was prepared.

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20 kids’ bathroom

Got this out before
A bunch of non-stop meetings.
Thanks, shit-timing gods!

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19 downstairs

A post workout shit
Means I have an excuse for
Being all sweaty.

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18 home

Less than one a day.
I mean fewer. Sorry. And
Sorry for the smell.

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17 home

Courtesy flush clogs
Aren't exactly ironic
But you get the point.

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16 work

Spent a long meeting
Squeezing my cheeks together
Like a fucking champ.

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15 downstairs

How is there so much?
I guess eating will do that,
But still…it's a lot.

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14 home

I farted all day.
At least I'm lighter now from
Dropping the air weight.

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13 downstairs

I think I'm ready
To go back to shitting less.
My poor, poor butthole.

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12 home

My butthole is sore.
It's not used to working out
More than once a day.

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11 kids’ bathroom

In and out quickly.
Of the bathroom, that is. Not
My butt. That's just out.

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10 home

No time this morning,
Then it was all farts all day.
Glad my plans firmed up.

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9 home

The fuck did I eat?
Oh wait. Now I remember.
Stupid shit sandwich.

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8 kids’ bathroom

Had some nasty farts,
And I hope shitting stops them…
But I know better

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7 work

Couldn't go at home
But was here early enough
To do this in peace.

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6 home

Last day of my break.
Lots of good rest, time with friends,
Eating, and shitting.

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5 home

So far, so shitty!
Do people who shit more have
Muscular buttholes?

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4 home

That's 4 in 3 days.
If my math is right, that means
I'll have…a million.

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3 home

My shitting pace is
Astronomical so far.
Emphasis on Ass.

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2 downstairs

Ok, '26.
If it's gonna be like this,
We're all in trouble.

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1 downstairs

Out with the old, eh?
It would appear that I have
A lot of the old.

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