87 downstairs

Do I have to go?
That thought was fleeting because
Yes, I clearly did.


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86 home

Yesterday

I had to wipe well
So the masseuse didn't get
Residual stank.

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85 kids’ bathroom

That burrito bowl
Has now met the toilet bowl.
And I'm bowled over.

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84 home

Thought I'd feel better
After letting all that out.
I smell a sequel!

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83 downstairs

Not back to normal
And my unsettled stomach
Is unsettling.

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82 home

A diorama
Of diarrhea would be
A gross (f)art project.

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81 downstairs

I'm getting too old
If one burger and one beer
Lead to this shitshow.

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80 home

(Yesterday)

Stand up comedy
Is a lot funnier than
Sit down smellery.

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79 downstairs

(Yesterday)

This shit was pleasant,
Painless, and smelled pretty good!
Happy April Fools!

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78 home

More nasty dumpage.
Spellcheck doesn't like that word.
Neither does my nose.

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77 home

Smells worse than normal.
And my normal's abnormal,
So look the fuck out.

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76 home

Will this second dump
Be the fabled one to bring
Balance to the butt.

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75 downstairs

Busy Saturday,
But I'll always make time for
Life's smelly moments.

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74 downstairs

That was mid-grody.
Definitely not to the max,
But not bottom too.

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73 kids’ bathroom

This shit symphony
Had percussion, wind, some horns,
And two long movements.

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72 home

Did my sushi lunch
Get cooked during digestion?
It made my butt raw…

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71 home

Ugh. Lots of wiping.
So much that I wondered if
It was the next log.

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70 home

Halibut last night,
Smellybut this afternoon.
Damn near poetic.

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69 home

Number 69.
It's funny because my logs
Almost made that shape.

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68 home

That's weird. You'd think
I'd remember if I ate
A warm Fudgecicle.

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67 home

Left a call for this.
Otherwise I would've been
Visibly clenching.

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66 downstairs

Lots of stomach pain
And this didn't relieve much.
So…I hope there's more?

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65 home

My butthole hates me.
And it's not fair because it's
Just doing its job.

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64 home

If slow and steady
Wins the race, what do I get
With long and smelly?

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63 downstairs

That was a big one.
Well, technically a big two
Since it broke in half.

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62 home

I almost gave up,
Then a miracle happened.
I mean shit happened.

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61 downstairs

It's raining outside,
But it's unfortunately
Too dry in my butt.

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60 downstairs

There was more TP
Within reach under the sink.
Thank the fucking stars.

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59 home

Strong gas pains last night,
But they've moved south to my butt
And north to my nose.

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58 downstairs

(Yesterday)

Funny how it looks
Like a constrictor but acts
Like an expander.

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57 downstairs

School presentations
Are more bearable when you're
Not holding in shit.

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56 downstairs

The chiropractor
Should have an easier time
After this weight drop.

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55 home

Yesterday

It's small but it counts.
That's not what she said. Hey-o!
It never gets old.

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54 downstairs

Two well before noon.
It's like I'm cutting weight for
The work week ahead.

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53 downstairs

This looks like The Thing
From Fantastic Four comics.
My nerd fans get it.

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52 home

Bye, February.
We had some good times and some
Downright shit-filled ones.

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51 kids’ bathroom

TGIF, folks!
No, I'm not gonna make it
Stand for "fart." Grow up.

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50 home

Time between meetings
Means I don't have to worry
About a whoopsie.

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49 kids’ bathroom

My kids don't know that
I'm destroying their bathroom,
And I think that's fine.

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48 home

Call me Old Fairhful.
Not for regularity,
But for the geyser.

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47 downstairs

Tummy was grumbly.
But this shit wasn't crumbly.
Just regular gross.

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46 home

My butthole takes risks.
This shit was way out of its
Normal comfort zone.

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45 downstairs

My wife's out of town,
And that's a good thing. Because
This smell could change things.

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44 downstairs

I just missed out on
4 shits in a day to get
Number 44.

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43 home

Third shit of the day,
But my intestines say a
Fourth is forthcoming.

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42 home

My body feels like
It's in the white zone. Only
It's just unloading.

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41 downstairs

It's Presidents' Day.
And this shit made me Rushmore
Than I wanted to.

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40 downstairs

The sushi last night
Was raw, but then it got cooked
In my intestines.

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39 home

I'm holding back from
Making a gross joke about
Assorted chocolates.

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38 downstairs

For Valentine's Day,
You'd think this would be heart-shaped.
But you would be wrong.

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37 home

If you thought you heard
Me making Alka Seltzer,
I would understand.

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36 downstairs

There's "dry January,"
And based on the last two days,
Mush February.

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35 home

Third turd! Have you heard?
I concurred that they occurred,
Though my vision's blurred.

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34 home

I must've eaten
Something my body dislikes.
This is evidence.

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33 downstairs

A rainy Wednesday,
But it feels more like Thursday.
Wait, I meant Turdsday.

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32 work

There's one person here,
And he sits near the bathroom.
It's quick shittin' time!

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31 downstairs

Super Bowl Sunday!
And I'm starting it off by
Punishing this bowl.

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30 home

Yesterday

I had 5 minutes
And my butt took that challenge
Quite seriously.

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29 home

Farting up a storm
Turned to shitting up a storm.
All while it's raining.

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28 downstairs

Leaving for work soon,
And dropping this weight should help
My non-gas mileage.

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27 home

Big NBA trade
That has nothing to do with
Me shitting. But still.

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26 home

I almost clogged it
During my courtesy flush.
That's saying something.

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25 home

Super strong gas pains.
I was expecting something…
Grander. No complaints.

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24 kids’ bathroom

Quick Shittin' McGee
Is catchier than the name
Fast Poopin' Jones, right?

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23 home

I waited for home,
Which was good for privacy
But bad for wifey.

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22 kids’ bathroom

Quick break, then more work.
I mean, I count this as work
But it's unpaid work.

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21 home

From where I'm sitting,
I can't see myself. I bet
My face turned red though.

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20 home

Don't have time for this,
But I guess it's faster than
Cleaning soiled pants.

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19 downstairs

My butt sounded like
It was peeling out. So that
Explains the skid marks.

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18 downstairs

Delayed my shower
So I could get this out first.
No rookie moves here.

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17 work

Had to leave for work,
But light traffic gave me time
For pre-meeting shit.

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16 home

Don't call me Fart Man.
I'm a gentleman. Call me
Fartholomew Man.

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15 downstairs

I pushed for a bit,
But then I could sit back and
Let gravity work.

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14 home

This one was forceful.
Like "hold onto the toilet
For dear life" forceful.

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13 downstairs

Stopped my walk for this.
Probably a good thing since
Shitwalking ain't cool.

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12 downstairs

There's more coming soon.
It's just warming up in the
On-deck circle…hole.

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11 downstairs

It's a new work week,
And this is a bad omen:
So much sputtering.

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10 home

The school in Wicked
Is called Shiz. If I went there
I'd be the Shiznit.

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9 downstairs

This doesn't feel good.
In fairness, it smells bad too.
Jury's out on taste.

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8 downstairs

My ass is weary.
Both "my ass" meaning "my butt"
And just all of me.

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7 home

Yesterday

So much craziness,
But I can count on one thing:
This shit is solid.

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6 downstairs

Thursday
Evacuation
Is no excuse for me to
Forget a haiku.

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5 downstairs

You ever feel like
A human ketchup bottle?
No? Oh. Me neither.

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4 downstairs

My ass skipped a day,
But I could go twice today
To get crack on track.

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3 downstairs

Well looky here, folks!
The streak continues. In fact,
Just call me Shit Streak.

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2 downstairs

Two shits in two days.
If I keep that up…let's see…
I can't do that math.

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1 downstairs

So it's a new year,
And here I am with the same
Stinky ass poop hole.

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