154 downstairs

Another so soon?
It's like it's my birthday or…
Hey, wait a minute!

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153 downstairs

Birthday shits are like
Regular shits, but this time
It's on your birthday.

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152 home

After all the cracks
At the chiropractor, there's
Only a butt crack.

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151 downstairs

Chiro appointment
And massage coming up soon.
Lots of body work.

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150 downstairs

(Yesterday)

I may have jet lag
But there's no butt lag in sight.
I don't know either.

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149 home!

Almost had to shit
In an airport or mid-air.
Soooo glad I made it.

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148 Florence villa

I don't normally
Shit out an entire cow,
But when in Florence!

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147 Florence villa

I don't normally
Say "ouch" every time I wipe,
But when in Florence!

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146 Rome hotel

I don't normally
Almost shit my pants in Rome,
But hey, when in Rome!

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145 Rome hotel!

I don't normally
Have two gross shits in a day,
But hey, when in Rome!

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144 Rome hotel!

I normally don't
Wait many days for gross shits,
But hey - when in Rome.

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143 home

Well now I'm worried
That I'll travel tomorrow
With a sore asshole.

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142 home

That's two already!
Italy will be getting
A less backed-up me.

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141 downstairs

We leave tomorrow
And this will make me lighter
For the air travel.

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140 downstairs

Had a hamburger.
My butt's acting like it was
Made of pure lava.

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139 downstairs

Exercising less
Is spreading out my shits more
And my butt cheeks less.

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138 home

I barely made it.
Kept trying to end a call
But people can TALK!

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137 home

Days passed between shits,
But our hero remained calm,
Knowing this would come.

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136 downstairs

What the fuck is this?
I didn't eat anything
That should cause this…mess.

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135 downstairs

Can shit have a tail?
That looked like a brown lizard
Making its escape.

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134 home

I went from "Do I…?"
To "splat!" in like ten seconds.
Sound like fun? It's not.

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133 home

Eating that curry
Made me poop in a hurry.
Felt like a slurry.

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132 home

Both gross and painful.
How did I get so lucky?
Genetics I guess.

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131 home

They call it Thai food
But it just made my butt lose.
(That's better spoken.)

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130 downstairs

This wasn't a log,
Nor was it sawdust. I'd say
More like two branches.

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129 home

My second attempt
Was successful. Well, maybe
Not to the toilet.

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128 home

Oh good, there we go.
This was on deck for a bit.
Also in the hole.

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127 home

Shitting with bruised ribs
Might sound like fun, but it's not.
You fucking sicko.

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126 kids’ bathroom

My back hurts a lot,
So this shit made me nervous.
All's fine in the end.

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125 downstairs

Made my parents leave
So I could do this without
Harming my image.

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124 home

Yesterday

This one came on fast
And then I forgot to write.
I'm a silly man.

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123 kids’ bathroom

I must have missed one.
I'm usually on it, but
Something smells fishy.

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122 downstairs

Oh come on, stomach.
I think enough is enough.
My hole needs a break.

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121 kids’ bathroom

A 3-dump Monday,
With a chance I'll go for 4.
I'll keep you posted.

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120 kids’ bathroom

The kids are at school,
So I'm wrecking their bathroom
Like all good dads do.

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119 downstairs

I'm no scientist,
But I think that last night's farts
Were solidified.

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118 downstairs

That swordfish last night
Had the sword part removed, but
Tell that to my butt.

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117 home

A triple flusher
And an unhappy butthole.
Things are looking up!

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116 downstairs

After all these years
And all these stellar haiku,
I just keep shitting.

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115 home

TGIF? No.
I mean not if that stands for
Thank God It's Fragrant.

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114 downstairs

My leg fell asleep,
And my butt hurts. Just picture
How that makes me walk.

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113 home

We're back from the vet,
And neither Emmy nor I
Shit on the floor there.

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112 home

Two shits already
And I don't think I'm done yet.
Just so much to give!


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111 downstairs

Going for a walk,
But doing this first. I'm not
A shit-walking guy.

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110 kids’ room

Took my kids to school,
Then dropped these off at the pool.
I'm quite the chauffeur.

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109 downstairs

Booming farts last night,
So this was underwhelming
(But oversmelming).
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108 home

(Yesterday)

The shower can wait.
I have more pressing matters…
Inside my rectum.

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107 downstairs

Way to go, toilet.
I know that was a challenge,
But you persevered.

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106 downstairs

That made a weird sound.
I'd try to describe it, but
Fwatt is all I got.

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105 downstairs

Before the dentist,
I gotta clean out this hole.
And dirty it too.

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104 downstairs

Does karaoke
Cause nasty shits? Low data,
But smells like a yes.

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103 home

Another gross one.
I'm starting to feel anti-
Anti-biotics.

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102 downstairs

Antibiotics
Get all the blame for this shit
And its nastiness.

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101 home

My son is home sick,
And my butt has joined in with
Sympathy coughing.

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100 home

I hit one hundred
Not with a bang, but with a
Pfft, grunt, squishy thump.

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99 home

When it's unpleasant
And unsatisfying too,
That's just plain shitty.

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98 work

I didn't want to,
But my butt left me no choice.
Let's hope this one's fast.

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97 home

"You ok in there?"
My wife asked. She doesn't know
I pooped a brown snake.

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96 home

There's still this much left?
Maybe last night's lasagna
Comes out in layers.

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95 kids’ bathroom

Gas pain and back pain
Met with ass pain and crack pain.
The rhyming does help.

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94 home

Went for a nice walk,
And glad it wasn't followed
By having the runs.

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93 home

The toilet almost
Needed plunger assistance.
Was flush-and-go there.

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92 home

That's 2 before lunch.
It could be a banner day.
(A shit-stained banner.)

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91 home

Managed to hold it
During an all-day conference.
Not holding back now!

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90 downstairs

Pre-shower dumpage
Still feels like a win after
All these shitting years.

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89 home

There's no leavened bread
In this shit, but it could raise
The dead with its smell.

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88 downstairs

The angel of death
Passed over our house but left
Some of his stink here.

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87 downstairs

Do I have to go?
That thought was fleeting because
Yes, I clearly did.


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86 home

Yesterday

I had to wipe well
So the masseuse didn't get
Residual stank.

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85 kids’ bathroom

That burrito bowl
Has now met the toilet bowl.
And I'm bowled over.

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84 home

Thought I'd feel better
After letting all that out.
I smell a sequel!

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83 downstairs

Not back to normal
And my unsettled stomach
Is unsettling.

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82 home

A diorama
Of diarrhea would be
A gross (f)art project.

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81 downstairs

I'm getting too old
If one burger and one beer
Lead to this shitshow.

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80 home

(Yesterday)

Stand up comedy
Is a lot funnier than
Sit down smellery.

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79 downstairs

(Yesterday)

This shit was pleasant,
Painless, and smelled pretty good!
Happy April Fools!

Sent from my iPhone

78 home

More nasty dumpage.
Spellcheck doesn't like that word.
Neither does my nose.

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77 home

Smells worse than normal.
And my normal's abnormal,
So look the fuck out.

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76 home

Will this second dump
Be the fabled one to bring
Balance to the butt.

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75 downstairs

Busy Saturday,
But I'll always make time for
Life's smelly moments.

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74 downstairs

That was mid-grody.
Definitely not to the max,
But not bottom too.

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73 kids’ bathroom

This shit symphony
Had percussion, wind, some horns,
And two long movements.

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72 home

Did my sushi lunch
Get cooked during digestion?
It made my butt raw…

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71 home

Ugh. Lots of wiping.
So much that I wondered if
It was the next log.

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70 home

Halibut last night,
Smellybut this afternoon.
Damn near poetic.

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69 home

Number 69.
It's funny because my logs
Almost made that shape.

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68 home

That's weird. You'd think
I'd remember if I ate
A warm Fudgecicle.

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67 home

Left a call for this.
Otherwise I would've been
Visibly clenching.

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66 downstairs

Lots of stomach pain
And this didn't relieve much.
So…I hope there's more?

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65 home

My butthole hates me.
And it's not fair because it's
Just doing its job.

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64 home

If slow and steady
Wins the race, what do I get
With long and smelly?

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63 downstairs

That was a big one.
Well, technically a big two
Since it broke in half.

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62 home

I almost gave up,
Then a miracle happened.
I mean shit happened.

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61 downstairs

It's raining outside,
But it's unfortunately
Too dry in my butt.

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60 downstairs

There was more TP
Within reach under the sink.
Thank the fucking stars.

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59 home

Strong gas pains last night,
But they've moved south to my butt
And north to my nose.

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58 downstairs

(Yesterday)

Funny how it looks
Like a constrictor but acts
Like an expander.

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57 downstairs

School presentations
Are more bearable when you're
Not holding in shit.

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56 downstairs

The chiropractor
Should have an easier time
After this weight drop.

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55 home

Yesterday

It's small but it counts.
That's not what she said. Hey-o!
It never gets old.

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54 downstairs

Two well before noon.
It's like I'm cutting weight for
The work week ahead.

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53 downstairs

This looks like The Thing
From Fantastic Four comics.
My nerd fans get it.

Sent from my iPhone

52 home

Bye, February.
We had some good times and some
Downright shit-filled ones.

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51 kids’ bathroom

TGIF, folks!
No, I'm not gonna make it
Stand for "fart." Grow up.

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50 home

Time between meetings
Means I don't have to worry
About a whoopsie.

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49 kids’ bathroom

My kids don't know that
I'm destroying their bathroom,
And I think that's fine.

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48 home

Call me Old Fairhful.
Not for regularity,
But for the geyser.

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47 downstairs

Tummy was grumbly.
But this shit wasn't crumbly.
Just regular gross.

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46 home

My butthole takes risks.
This shit was way out of its
Normal comfort zone.

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45 downstairs

My wife's out of town,
And that's a good thing. Because
This smell could change things.

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44 downstairs

I just missed out on
4 shits in a day to get
Number 44.

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43 home

Third shit of the day,
But my intestines say a
Fourth is forthcoming.

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42 home

My body feels like
It's in the white zone. Only
It's just unloading.

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41 downstairs

It's Presidents' Day.
And this shit made me Rushmore
Than I wanted to.

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40 downstairs

The sushi last night
Was raw, but then it got cooked
In my intestines.

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39 home

I'm holding back from
Making a gross joke about
Assorted chocolates.

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38 downstairs

For Valentine's Day,
You'd think this would be heart-shaped.
But you would be wrong.

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37 home

If you thought you heard
Me making Alka Seltzer,
I would understand.

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36 downstairs

There's "dry January,"
And based on the last two days,
Mush February.

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35 home

Third turd! Have you heard?
I concurred that they occurred,
Though my vision's blurred.

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34 home

I must've eaten
Something my body dislikes.
This is evidence.

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33 downstairs

A rainy Wednesday,
But it feels more like Thursday.
Wait, I meant Turdsday.

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32 work

There's one person here,
And he sits near the bathroom.
It's quick shittin' time!

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31 downstairs

Super Bowl Sunday!
And I'm starting it off by
Punishing this bowl.

Sent from my iPhone

30 home

Yesterday

I had 5 minutes
And my butt took that challenge
Quite seriously.

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29 home

Farting up a storm
Turned to shitting up a storm.
All while it's raining.

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28 downstairs

Leaving for work soon,
And dropping this weight should help
My non-gas mileage.

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27 home

Big NBA trade
That has nothing to do with
Me shitting. But still.

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26 home

I almost clogged it
During my courtesy flush.
That's saying something.

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25 home

Super strong gas pains.
I was expecting something…
Grander. No complaints.

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24 kids’ bathroom

Quick Shittin' McGee
Is catchier than the name
Fast Poopin' Jones, right?

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23 home

I waited for home,
Which was good for privacy
But bad for wifey.

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22 kids’ bathroom

Quick break, then more work.
I mean, I count this as work
But it's unpaid work.

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21 home

From where I'm sitting,
I can't see myself. I bet
My face turned red though.

Sent from my iPhone

20 home

Don't have time for this,
But I guess it's faster than
Cleaning soiled pants.

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19 downstairs

My butt sounded like
It was peeling out. So that
Explains the skid marks.

Sent from my iPhone

18 downstairs

Delayed my shower
So I could get this out first.
No rookie moves here.

Sent from my iPhone

17 work

Had to leave for work,
But light traffic gave me time
For pre-meeting shit.

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16 home

Don't call me Fart Man.
I'm a gentleman. Call me
Fartholomew Man.

Sent from my iPhone

15 downstairs

I pushed for a bit,
But then I could sit back and
Let gravity work.

Sent from my iPhone

14 home

This one was forceful.
Like "hold onto the toilet
For dear life" forceful.

Sent from my iPhone

13 downstairs

Stopped my walk for this.
Probably a good thing since
Shitwalking ain't cool.

Sent from my iPhone

12 downstairs

There's more coming soon.
It's just warming up in the
On-deck circle…hole.

Sent from my iPhone

11 downstairs

It's a new work week,
And this is a bad omen:
So much sputtering.

Sent from my iPhone

10 home

The school in Wicked
Is called Shiz. If I went there
I'd be the Shiznit.

Sent from my iPhone

9 downstairs

This doesn't feel good.
In fairness, it smells bad too.
Jury's out on taste.

Sent from my iPhone

8 downstairs

My ass is weary.
Both "my ass" meaning "my butt"
And just all of me.

Sent from my iPhone

7 home

Yesterday

So much craziness,
But I can count on one thing:
This shit is solid.

Sent from my iPhone

6 downstairs

Thursday
Evacuation
Is no excuse for me to
Forget a haiku.

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5 downstairs

You ever feel like
A human ketchup bottle?
No? Oh. Me neither.

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4 downstairs

My ass skipped a day,
But I could go twice today
To get crack on track.

Sent from my iPhone

3 downstairs

Well looky here, folks!
The streak continues. In fact,
Just call me Shit Streak.

Sent from my iPhone

2 downstairs

Two shits in two days.
If I keep that up…let's see…
I can't do that math.

Sent from my iPhone

1 downstairs

So it's a new year,
And here I am with the same
Stinky ass poop hole.

Sent from my iPhone